September 11, 2015



There’s an old Italian saying, ‘’All women are sluts except my mother’’!


If statistics** are to be relied upon, here are some figures that’ll surprise you or, at least, awaken you to the dark side of relationships:

• 30% of all marriages result in divorce or separation (that includes YOURS!)!
• 80% of married women cheat or, at the least, have cheated during their marriage (that includes YOURS!!); the remaining 20% have considered cheating at some point in time while 15% of those 20-percenters are awaiting the right opportunity to cheat. And the remaining 5%? They’re dealing with ”issues” (but they’ll come around eventually).
• Of the married women who cheat (i.e., the 80-percenters, above), 90% cheat with men already known to them (the neighbor/his kid who mows your lawn, family friends, colleagues at work, hubby’ business partners, acquaintances, the pizza guy, pool guy, postman, plumber, etc.). The remaining 10% freelance; become easy pickups at grocery stores, malls, bars, bus stops, wherever chance meetings can occur, or they hook up through personnel Ads.



Infidelity Chart


WHY DO WOMEN CHEAT? That’s a different matter (see Link). Suffice it to say, THEY DO for the same reasons Men do – because THEY CAN! And it’s a good thing too because sleazeballs like us would have one hell of a hard time searching for, finding, and scoring with horny babes if the only meat market available happens to be the community church hosting Bingo for senior citizens. Lord have mercy!!


CaughtOK, so you’re caught, or she is caught, or you both want to split the sheet or, what’s worse for the male ego, you’ve been dumped and she’s having a merry ol’ time without having to look over her shoulder! But now, YOU DORK!! You want her back! You’re sorry for the way things turned out. It was all your fault (It always IS, Dorko!). I should have listened to you (Yea! Set yourself up again for the ‘’I told you so …’’ ritual). I’d do anything to have you back (… like play eunuch … look the other way while some other dude is shooting past her goal post?).


Kick your sorry, crying ass to the corner for a moment and reflect on WHY she prefers someone else’s company rather than yours. What could be the reason(s) she stepped out of your matrimonial bed into the back seat of his rickety Chevy? What could possibly turn her on to him (them?) when you got just about everything a gal could desire in a husband? Can’t be looks ‘cos he’s as scruffy as a Joe Cocker-Frank Zappa hybrid and smells worse than a hobo’s underwear. The tattoos? Unmistakable handiwork of Folsom Prison. Can’t be money, stability, security ‘cos that’s what she saw in you – your house in the suburbs and that Volvo. While Jerko lives in a rundown mobile home and rides a beat up ol’ Harley cos the Chevy broke down (again)! His idea of dressing up for dinner is a hand me down, raggedy Levis  he picked up from the thrift store, and riding boots that need to be resoled. The only time he’s not partying is when he runs out of his Welfare check or expects his Parole Officer’s visit. And he treats his women like dirt!

And THAT, the last part, is the secret to his success in getting’ laid.Blow Me

THE JEKILLA AND HYDA SYNDROME: So, what turns a conservative, prim and proper ”I don’t do anals”-type housewife into a sex starved, demonically possessed predator between someone else’s bed sheets?

It’s ‘cos no woman worth her salt wants to play mom to a doling crybaby. Do you want the broad to pity you, respect you, or CRAVE for you? Sure, you’re nice to her, considerate, affectionate, generous, and demonstrate all the other ‘’preferred’’ qualities that Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Redbook, Jane and other such sissy magazines claim that women look for in men. And, it’s a fact that such qualities DO attract women; but they do not hold or bind woman to such men for long if the guys lack the one essential trait that separates men from boys – or the Alpha Males from the stooges.

AlphaIt’s called MACHISMO, but it’s difficult to define: either you got it or you don’t! If you don’t, then cultivate it. Being a gentleman could only take you home to meet her mother over a home cooked meal – maybe! You see, gentlemen don’t have half a chance to get lucky in this competitive bitch eat dog meat market (pun intended). Remember the old adage: Treat a lady like a slut, and treat a slut like a lady. Never fails! Bring out that inner slimeball in you and make ‘em recline belly up at the sound of your zipper unfastening! Muster CONFIDENCE, Brother. Confidence to look down on your flaccid pecker, gaze into her eyes and say something like, ‘’Well …. It’s not going to blow itself, you know …’’.Direct Approach

You BOTH know yours is not the first flute she’d be playing on. If she declines or pretends to get all pushed out of shape, play along with her. Show her politely to the door. Say that there’s still some time left for you to spend with Paula (or whoever) who doesn’t have any Catholic convent scruples. ‘’Good Night, Dearie. Drive yourself home. I’ve got some calls to make …’’! You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the result. Sluts HATE competition.

middle_fingerAn old lecher once told me, ‘’Feed her with all sorts of sweet, romantic BS; that she’s special, she means everything to you, you’d die without her … Treat her nice – but stay a healthy distance away emotionally, and always keep her wondering …’’. There’s wisdom in these here words, Son.


If your masochistic or self-destructive tendencies get the better over your common sense for you to want her back, there are several field tested methods. But always bear in mind she is the very same ‘love of your life’ that took a healthy dump on your trust, emotions, ego, and manhood. If she comes back, she won’t be the person you wished for her to be! They don’t change but become more sophisticated in ways of concealment – more difficult to catch. Be advised you’re dealing with a foxy Corvette that requires Dealer Servicing every now and then.

The internet is full of advice on how to get her back. You can ‘’become the change you expect in her’’. You can engage trusted liaisons, mutual friends and good wishers to work on her emotions. You could woo her all over again …. or psyche her into a guilt trip …! Remember, you got the upper hand now: she cheated and got caught – the trashy, rotten, gutter slut!! And you haven’t – as yet (been caught) … Lucky Bastard! Hell! Use black magic … try PNP … Threaten suicide (but you’d be doing her a favor, Dorko!) …. and so on. The options are endless but the critical catalyst necessary is her DESIRE to return.

Now, why in heck would she want to return to the same old Dork and the same old drudgery she escaped from? You gotta motivate her, Dude. Persuade her. Build her desire. Work on subduing her inner bitch. Kindle her competitive instinct: If she knows (or believes) you are having a good time without her in the picture, you can bet your wimpy lil’ ass she’ll show renewed interest in you (more so if it were to screw up your life even more)!


  1.  There’s no such thing called ”Love”. The only thing that could come close to it is the feelings a mother has for her child. Everything else is conditional and selfish.
  2. The antonym (opposite) of Love is not Hate, but Indifference. Think upon that that for a moment. Hate, Love are powerful emotions. Indifference moseys along at the other end of the scale. Discipline yourself to become indifferent.
  3. Don’t underestimate the God-given power of your inner resolve. Men are ruled by logic and reason (located in the groin); women, by emotion (location: not confined to one place – therefore, unpredictable)! But, know this: Jealousy and one-upmanship jump starts sluts into action.Don't Give a Fuck

Become the man you were meant to be and we can almost guarantee you’ll have her back. Why ‘’almost’’? Because you may not wish to lap up some other guy’s vomit. But if she does return, show her a good time while building up your defenses against any unforeseen financial/social sabotage; then boot her out decisively. It’s better for your ego. Men can’t handle being dumped. We’re better at being ‘’dumpers’’ than ‘’dumpees’’.

LOVE LETTERS! Yes! Love letters work. Sometimes! But they’re no instant cure for blue balls.

You can try the dorky, mushy, sensitive type: ‘’I just can’t stop loving you … my life is empty without you … I’d do anything to have you back … I’m truly sorry …’’ (Yea! For HER fuck-ups!). Or you can improvise on the theme below.

Or better yet: cut her loose with no regrets or resentment so you can both get on with your lives.

Either way, GOOD LUCK! We hope you find happiness and your MACHISMO.

PS: Also click on LINK.Baby Come Back Letter

You're Welcome

Copyright Carlisle Collins. havepenwillwrite. 2015. All Rights Reserved.


September 6, 2015


Of late, we’ve been getting some complaints from the tiny readership we’ve been struggling to maintain. Most complaints are from armchair adventurers and dead-beat wet blankets addressing us as Douchbags because of our conservative content and writing style, and an editorial policy based upon morals, mainstream journalism, and street-savvy smut.

One complainant had the balls to write, ‘’No one gives a flying fuck about police corruption …. Besides, we have the very best law enforcement money can buy! …. If we don’t stick our nose in their business, they won’t stick their dick in ours!’’ (Ouch, Dude! Quit with the ”ours”)!He is Right

We occasionally get letters from judicial officers expressing boredom and suggesting we perk up our legal articles/commentaries with some hardcore, ”Pole-in-da-Hole”-type state of affairs: it keeps their little friend down below maintain poise and rigid authority when pronouncing power-packed sentences! We aim to please, Your Honor: check out the sidebar Links on this site under ‘’Good Ol’ Porn: Porn Is Good For You ….’’.

Most of the complaints we get are from irate individuals who became overnight celebrities through some (unintentional) private acts which became public– newsworthy acts! Well, bearing in mind that they also have some (limited) expectations of Privacy, this writing here will provide a mechanism for redress in matters of alleged Copyright infringement or material published closer to one’s heart (or derriere).

COPYRIGHT COMPLAINTS: Only the copyright holder* or an authorized agent can file a DMCA notice.
*Copyright holder =
1) the original photographer
2) a company which contracts the material via “work-for-hire”

Please understand that we get scores of hate mail and death threats daily from dejected lovers, religious fruitcakes, PMS’ing broads, A-Type Personalities, and yet others showing symptoms of chronic constipation. And even though we do read them all (Ya Rrright!!), we cannot always reply to each concern individually (although a brief, courtesy ‘’Fuck You and Die Byatch’’ doesn’t take very long to write).

We are unable to respond to emails in any other language but Pidgin English or shorthand. We also occasionally do some Braille (but it’s gotta be nice and dark if yaknowhadimean).

Oh ShitIf you happen to be a ‘Public Figure’ whose image has been (most likely) appropriated from the public domain, please become familiar with the law on Fair Use Policy – parodies – ‘’not for commercial profit’’, etc. – and try to generate a sense of humor for crying out loud, unless you’re REALLY pissed off. In which case, get a hold of the media people who first published your purportedly objectionable matter. Also, check out our page about Copyright Law & Cartoon Parodies.

If you do not get a quick response to your mail from us, don’t have a cow, Dude. Please be patient. Do some Yoga or Transcendental Meditation, or something …. But don’t lose your cool …. We don’t want you to pop a hemorrhoid. Please understand we’re swamped yet diligently working on your problem, dig? BTW: Do not send multiple complaints on the same issue ‘cos it’ll drive us bananas, or, better yet, your messages may be marked as spam.

Each complaint must ALWAYS have at least the following information, or it WILL be ignored:

1. Identify yourself as either:
a: The person in the image or article.
b: The legal guardian of a child or dependent in the images/gallery.
c: Describing your sexual fetishes would be a Plus.

2. Please indicate the problem you wish to have resolved: e.g.,
a: My naked image is published and it shows I have a tiny ‘’thingie’’.
b: Excerpts from my Diary and Little Black Book are published mentioning details of my extra-marital homosexual affairs with little boys in church.
c: My chat room activities have been hacked; my webcam videos of self love are playing on the Internet, etc.

3. State your contact information (email address, phone number, job details, credit card information, ATM password, etc….) and send some revealing, uncensored pics PLEASE! Smuttier the better! We are true connoisseurs of Free Thinking Artistic Expression (i.e., Porn).

4. Tell us why you find the subject material offensive – e.g., bitter divorce, incestuous childhood, abusive parents, social reject, low self esteem, bullied in school, buttfucked in college, erectile dysfunction, suffering from TPS (Tiny Penis Syndrome), Pedophilia, Gonorrhea, Diarrhea, Pyorrhea, popped hemorrhoids, etc., ….. Give us all the sordid details: Names, What, When, Where, With Whom, Why, How, and WTF. Send some more revealing pics as evidence – smuttier the better!

REST ASSURED: We take readers’ suggestions and complaints very seriously. We also seriously have available a full-time serious pervert who gets a serious kick reviewing serious smut mail. We will venture to do our very freakin’ best to resolve the matter probably as soon as we can possibly get to it excluding holidays.

‘Till then: Peace & Love! Shaloom!

Copyright Carlisle Collins. havepenwillwrite. 2015. All Rights Reserved.


May 12, 2015


There has recently been a lot of brouhaha about a Delhi Head Traffic Constable, Satish Chandra, who was caught on video throwing a brick at a woman. The video went viral on the net! He was summarily arrested and dismissed from service. That is swift justice indeed – politically biased justice that circumvents the cop’s right to have a say in the matter.

There’s a lot more to the story than what meets the eye:

What we see and hear in the news is solely the woman’s (purported victim) version of the incident. No one bothered to interview the (purported) assailant – which is intrinsically unfair and contrary to the fundamental maxim of justice, the preponderance of innocence. Surely there must be something here that has escaped our cognizance and led to flawed reasoning? If not, shouldn’t we feel duty bound to search deeper for such evidence – even invent it – to create ‘reasonable doubt’? Hmmm …!Cheap Shot

Well, boys and girls, and those interested in creative BS Forensics, this site’s administrator, who has an unshakeable reputation for championing the cause of the underdog (in this case, the maligned Delhi cop), took it upon himself to consult self-styled videography specialists, legal beagles and reputable jailhouse lawyers, regular patrons of the local liquor compounds, and other suspended policemen facing serious criminal charges. Here’s what their turbo-charged minds on 90%-proof came up with:

Firstly, the video was obviously edited. There are different footage’s broadcasted purportedly from the same camera. Moreover, there’s no audio, so we are at a loss as to why; which renders the very substance of the verbal interchange (if any) open to prima facie suspicion.

From the written media we learn that the woman (putative victim) was riding ‘triple’ (violating traffic safety laws) with her THREE minor daughters (who, the video shows, were not wearing helmets). She admits to being in a hurry and jumping the Red Light.

Hysterical Traffic Law ViolatorThe cop dutifully intercepts and confronts her. He demands to see her license and vehicle registration. She attempts to drive off. The cop makes a move to grab the key and disable the vehicle. She becomes loud, argumentative, and loses her grip on her bike. Before the cop could write out a challan, there’s a quick transformation into Psycho Woman. She turns abusive, out of control, assaultive and, while no one’s noticing, throws a brick at the cop, missing him but damaging government property (i.e., his bike). Her intent, of course, was to skip paying the fine; this, she did admirably, through an appropriate dose of timely hysteria: insulting and attempting to cause grave injury to an unarmed public servant on duty.

All this dramatics just to avoid a legitimate traffic challan! Some thespian …

Well … you say, as you slam down another large one, it could have been ahellofalot worse for the cop: instead of resorting to simple hysteria, name calling, and using a blunt weapon on lawful authority, the woman could have pulled out the all-powerful Female Trump Card and accused the cop of sexually inappropriate behavior!

But, mercifully, such is not the case here since the culprit’s self-admitted guilt (to the traffic infraction) had a way of instinctively fogging her mind into overlooking the availability of this most effective weapon in a misandrist’s arsenal.

Granted, its use here would have been overkill but, nevertheless, a powerful, politically recognized strategy designed to generate public sympathy and support, so one’s attention is diverted elsewhere but from the reason she was intercepted in the first place; thus, absolving herself from criminal culpability. So now, a criminal becomes a victim. Chalk one up for a (guilty) Woman’s Rights Movement.

Anyway, amidst the commotion, the cop notices a black dog menacingly approaching the subject woman from behind. Watch this video from 3.47 onward. The cop’s protective instincts come into play: he grabs a brick to throw at the dog and defend the frenzied woman. The woman charges toward the cop and attempts to block his throwing arm.

In the absence of audio, we can only speculate on two possible explanations for her rushing toward the cop:
• Either the woman misinterprets his gesture as a rightful imminent retaliation against her,
• or she is a closet dog lover and was attempting to protect the dog from the cop’s brick.
Either way, she was deliberately in the ‘line of fire’. The cop throws the brick, misses the dog, and hits the woman.

Hey! An accident is an accident! So what’s the big freaking deal, eh? But, on the other hand, if he did hit the dog, the animal rights activists would pop into the picture. Either way, the cop would have been screwed!

Fear The PussyIt will be interesting to see whether the woman will be prosecuted as well for disrespecting a law enforcement officer in the performance of his duty and initiating upon him a potentially lethal attack with a weapon. After all, doesn’t the Constitution guarantee equal treatment before the law? Or are guilt-ridden hysterical women above the law?

There are a few important lessons to be learned here:

• Obey traffic laws; Don’t jump the Red Light. Do not attempt to evade an officer of the law when you’ve been ordered to stop. (Unless you happen to be a hysterical woman armed with a brick).
• Be thankful the cop was letting her off allegedly with a meager Rs. 200/- bribe instead of charging the full Rs. 1000/- for this infraction, plus other citations for riding ‘triple’, attempting to disobey a lawful order, riding without a drivers license/registration, etc.
• Accept responsibility for your mistake. Don’t show disrespect to authority in public: it fuels anarchy. Do not attack police (never with weapons)!
• The cop merely bruised her hand/butt (accidentally, of course!); and, because she happens to be a woman, this created a shit-load of adverse publicity. If half as much publicity was generated exposing fake encounter killings, there’d be a lot more respect and credibility toward the media. But the problem is, extra-judicial summary executions are hardly, if ever, videographed by passers by!

Pussy Thrashes Cock

Pussy Thrashes Cock

Food for thought: If the rider happened to be a man, his ass would have been in the slammer; proof enough that Pussy Power is alive and well – and getting stronger day-by-day.

On a related note, one has learned to accept police brutality as a necessity that goes along with the territory. Let’s face it: how does one expect the police to do their job without bribery inspired by brutality, eh? The two fit together like a condom over a pee-pee. Right? RIGHT!

So, what do you think?

Copyright 2015. Carlisle Collins. havepenwillwrite. All Rights Reserved.


May 3, 2015


 The Black Robe


Here’s some food for thought:

Are Remanding Judges and courts morally and legally responsible for the safety and well being of persons in Judicial Custody? Are they under any obligation to ensure the safety and well-being of persons held in their Custody? Should they be held accountable for lapses committed by others acting under their direction? Is there such a thing as ‘Judicial Conscience’?Summary Execution

There are several incidents of police ‘encounter’ killings occurring as part and parcel of routine Indian police work (just google it if you wish to verify); case(s) in point: the recent custodial murders at Nizamabad, Miryalguda, Ranga Reddy, and Sangareddy …Sporadic reports of crowd control gone haywire and the stifling of dissent through use of deadly force by the police. Incidents of police baton-charging and firing indiscriminately into political protesters (including those who were fleeing). ‘’Enhanced Interrogation’’ practiced routinely in police stations (i.e., torture, mutilation, and sometimes death) … Racial profiling, arbitrary Cordon and Search operations zeroing in on minority communities, illegal detentions, vendetta killing of under-trial prisoners, ‘‘encounter killings’’, i.e., extra-judicial execution of those labeled as ‘’hard-core criminals, gangsters, dacoits, extortionists, and those Others placed in the ‘’miscellaneous category’’ of soon-to-be deceased’.

What’s surprising is, many of these ‘encounters’ involve the killing of Under- Trial suspects who are in judicial custody, i.e., purportedly under Five Murdered Suspectsprotection of the remanding judge while awaiting the grant of bail.

What’s even more surprising is, there’s hardly any suo moto inquiry from the honorable court who assumed responsibility for the safety and well-being of the person(s) held in their charge; consequently, no accountability for use of deadly force against Under-Trials by the police – unless, of course, the incident has gained some notoriety or (short lived) publicity. Even then, such is the workings of our criminal (in-)justice machinery, the incident defaults to justifiable homicide or, more commonly, fades off into oblivion along with the puppet ‘Inquiry’ Committee appointed to oversee such matters related to police death squads.

‘Any public outcry …,’ you inquire anxiously? What damn ‘outcry’ can one expect from a programmed, borderline intellectually dysfunctional citizenry  that glorifies government-appointed extra judicial executioners who publicly flaunt a celebrity image as ‘Encounter Specialists’?! And celebrities THEY ARE, what with their extravagant lifestyles and investigative dossiers with the Anti Corruption Bureau!


PSYCHO COPS: Celebrity_Murderers

One of the allegations is that encounter specialists, under private contract, helped organized crime by eliminating members of a rival gang for a hefty price. The rival gangster would first be detained, and then summarily dispatched on one pretext or another under color of the Law. At least two prominent attempts at prosecution for ‘alleged’ corruption, assets disproportionate to their known source of income, extra judicial executions, racketeering, etc., were flushed down the commode by the Director General’s office who found no incriminating evidence against the Accused. In a related case, the Supreme Court pronounced acquittal. One wonders just how far up does the Chain of Corruption (or Ignorance, or apathy) reach …..?

Do you remember the abduction and vendetta killing of extortionist Sohrabuddin Sheikh on November 26, 2005 by the Gujarat Anti-Terrorist Squad (ATS)? He was later fraudulently labeled a member of the militant Lashkar-e-Taiba. Shortly thereafter, they murdered his wife Kauserbi and an uninvolved traveling companion torching and disposing of them so as to purge evidence.

Several senior police officers from different states, including Gujarat, Rajasthan and Andhra Pradesh, as well as high placed politicians are suspected to be involved in the murders. As the investigation unfolded, we are told that D.G. Vanzara of ATS was paid to kill Sohrabuddin Sheikh by Rajasthan’s influential marble lobby! Vanzara was himself moonlighting, running a successful extortion racket staffed by Rajkumar Pandiyan, KM Vaghela, GL Singhal and other policemen. Sources in victimized families indicate that Vanzara and his associates would release from custody, criminals accused of serious crimes, including murder, when the right price was paid to Vanzara’s syndicate.

Among other notional arrests of select fall guys in the ATS, the CBI arrested the then Home Minister of Gujarat State, Mr. Amit Shah, for ordering theorganized-crime triple murders. Apparently, CBI’s ‘conclusive’ evidence didn’t hold up to much in court. Mr. Shah, who happens to be the closest aide of Prime Minister Narendra Modi and head of ruling Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), was forthrightly cleared of all charges by the courts.

If ‘’time heals all wounds’’, serious incidents of gross Human Rights violations become a fleeting memory replaced by ’’more interesting’’ human interest stories in the media or Bollywood’s serials/naach-gaana on TV. There is little or no perseverant follow up to hold officials accountable. Citizen apathy facilitates the making of a Police State. We’re pretty damn close to it right now with the random, warrantless searches/seizures/arrests going on merrily before the eyes of our intellectually paraplegic citizenry. Do we see a light at the end of the tunnel or is it a freight train heading in our direction? ‘Investigations’ have a way of fizzling out by the powers that be.

Two other incidents of law-enforcement gone berserk come to my mind:

Early April morning, Telangana police shot dead five Muslim youths, accused in terror cases (but were to be acquitted), while they were under judicial protection and being shifted from Warangal Prison to Hyderabad Criminal court in a running vehicle. As expected, Police resorted to the usual justification, that they fired in Staged Killing‘self-defense’ responding to a prisoner attempting to snatch a rifle; so, they shot them all! But thee was no sign of revolt and not a single cop had been injured. There was no evidence of a struggle in the transport vehicle, no forensic disposition relative to the line/angle of fire, distance of the purported confrontation, etc., and photographs released by police themselves show the deceased prisoners to be handcuffed to their seats; securely confined!

The public has not as yet woken up to the fact that these photographs are a façade, an insult to our intelligence, and, in fact, incriminate the police! Judging from the images, the handcuffs would allow perhaps a 3” reach with the armrest blocking any free movement sufficient to wrest the rifle away. Besides, if the deceased prisoner was in full control of the firearm and presenting a clear and present danger to the escort personnel (as the photograph is supposed to suggests), it would have instead been pointed toward the aisle to his right.

You may recall a similar incident occurring in December 2008, where a bunch of scum bags accused of spraying acid on girls who rebuked their advances, were being transported under judicial protection from Hyderabad Court to Warangal Prison. They were all shot dead by escorting police personnel under very suspicious circumstances.

According to Police, those cowardly villains, under heavy armed escort, made a courageous break for freedom, barefoot, from a running vehicle but were conveniently cornered in a desolate forested area (away from eyewitnesses and the sound of gunfire). One of the ‘escapees’ conjured up a handgun; so, all three were summarily dispatched by well placed shots to their vitals (guilty be association?).

In line with the theme of a Encounter MurdersB-Class Telugu TV detective serial, a photograph showed a deceased suspect curiously still holding the handgun; his dead companions were unarmed. But in most all real life shootouts, the impact of the slug on a suspect’s body jerks the weapon loose long before he hits the ground! Hmmm… There are several loose ends in both scenarios that reek of murder: like, for instance, no formal inquiry by police brass – and not a whimper of indignation from the judiciary.

What we’re witnessing is rampant, untethered lawlessness in government. We’re witnessing a polarization between the common man and his chosen representatives who are supposed to be accountable to him. But how are they to be accountable when we do not hold them accountable?

Can You Do It This Way?

Can You Do It This Way?

Obviously, our police need training on how to create a halfway credible crime scene after the fact. But perhaps, this is not really necessary in view of our brown-nosing media, a gullible public whose interest and attention span is easily manipulated, and a seemingly cooperative judiciary.

‘’When injustice becomes Law, resistance becomes duty’’. Thomas Jefferson. Question authority! It is still our Right!

Copyright 2015. Carlisle Collins. havepenwillwrite. All Rights Reserved.


A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE? The Police’s indiscriminate ‘’CORDON AND SEARCH’’ Operations.

April 30, 2015

https://havepenwillwrite.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/gc_bc.gif?w=450&h=150 TELANGANA (HYDERABAD, India) STATE POLICE’S LATEST BRAINCHILD: Cordon and Search Exercises – essentially a military option,being directed toward civilians.

THE CONSTITUTION:  Article 21 of the Indian Constitution: “No person shall be deprived of his life or personal liberty except according to procedure established by law.”

INTERPRETATION OF THE CONSTITUTION:  The Constitution of India does not specifically grant any right to privacy per se. However, it is only recently that such a right has been culled by the Supreme Court from Article 21 and several other provisions of the Constitution read with the Directive Principles of State Policy. The Supreme Court has asserted that in order to treat a right as a Fundamental Right, it is not necessary that it should be expressly stated in the Constitution as a Fundamental Right. Political, social, and economic changes in the country entail the recognition of new Rights. The law, in its eternal youth, evolves (or should evolve) to meet the changing demands of society.

The Supreme Court in the case of R. Rajagopal v. State of Tamil Nadu (1994 SCC (6) 632) directly linked the Right to Privacy to Article 21 of the Constitution and laid down: “The right to privacy is implicit in the right to life and liberty guaranteed to the citizens of this country by Article 21. It is a ‘right to be let alone’. A citizen has a right to safeguard the privacy of his own, his family, marriage, procreation, motherhood, child bearing and education among other matters. None can publish anything concerning the above matters without his consent whether truthful or otherwise and whether laudatory or critical. If he does so, he would be violating the right to privacy of the person concerned and would be liable in an action for damages.” Da Police

NEED FOR ”A STUDY” TO LEGISLATE A PRIVACY BILL: Recognizing the common occurrences of privacy violations by the police – and subsequent burden placed upon appellate courts to analyze and dispose of challenges therefrom, the Planning Commission of India constituted the “Shah Committee” to identify privacy issues and prepare a report to facilitate authoring of a privacy bill for India.

Among other related concerns, the Committee reinstated the fact that the individuals would have the option of making a complaint directly before the courts, which will act as a route of redress (so what else is new?). The complaints may relate to a data breach or violation or physical privacy. The Shah Committee submitted its report to the Planning Commission of India on October 16, 2012 . Nothing really earth shattering came of it. Perhaps another Committee is in the offing…

Ignorance Has Its Own Reward

Ignorance Has Its Own Reward

BACK TO SQUARE ONE: One notices the Right to Privacy is not absolute. Courts may issue warrants if they have documented reasonable belief that restriction of this Right would

• Prevent incitement to the commission of any offense; or

• Prevent public disorder or the detection of crime; or

• Protect rights and freedoms of others; or

• would be in the interest of friendly relations with foreign states, or

• When public interest outweighs private interest of the individual.This would depend on the ‘facts and circumstances of each case’ (which means, in the absence of any reasonable guidelines, it is left to the arbitrary discretion of the learned magistrate)!

In Smt. Maneka Gandhi v. Union of India & Anr., (1978) (SC 7-Judge Bench), the Apex Court ruled `Personal Liberty’ in Article 21 covers a variety of rights & some have status of Fundamental Rights and are given additional protection under Article 19. They mandated a ‘Triple Test’ for any law interfering with personal liberty: (i) It must prescribe a procedure; (ii) the procedure must withstand the test of one or more of the fundamental rights conferred under Article 19 which may be applicable in a given situation; and (iii) it must withstand test of Article 14.

The law and procedure authorizing interference with personal liberty and right of privacy must also be right, just, and fair and not arbitrary, fanciful, or oppressive. (‘Amen’ to that). Nevertheless, an analytical mind could interpret these ”safeguard” provisions as textbook fiction because, as you will notice below, their practical value is less than zilch once the damage has already been done. I have taken the liberty of illustrating, relative to the ongoing Neighborhood Cordon And Search Operations, these notional constitutional considerations are notional at best and would, in fact, impede achievement of ‘’Gleichschaltung’’, conventional fascist police work.

Recognizing the blatant and excessive government intrusion in one’s private life (what’s more private than one’s bedroom?), the Delhi High Court (in Naz Foundation Case 2009) made a landmark ruling. Although the case pertained to consensual homosexuality, the court recognized that the Right to Privacy held to protect a “private space in which man may become and remain himself”…. ‘’Individuals need a place of sanctuary where they can be free from societal control – where individuals can drop the mask, desist for a while from projecting on the world the image they want to be accepted as themselves, an image that may reflect the values of their peers rather than the realities of their natures.’’

ANDHRA COURT’S OPINION: Despite a plethora of rulings that recognize and establish the sanctity of one’s private ‘space’, the Andhra High Court Canon of Lawyeringrecently made a tangential disposition: A Public Interest Litigation filed in the High Court by T. Dhangopal Rao prayed for an injunction against the police’s Cordon and Search Operations on constitutional grounds; that this arbitrary police exercise is against Articles 14, 15, 19(1)(d)(e)(g), 21 and 22 of the Constitution (and, I might add, certain mandates in the Criminal Code pertaining to restricting/seizing a person’s liberty, property, and right to be left alone). The Hon. High Court directed him to complain to the Police Commissioner instead of deliberating on grounds for relief. This perplexing directive is just as ridiculous as the case of the chicken being directed to complain to the fox that’s guarding the hen house – a sobering realization of the leanings of our impartial tribunal!

EXECUTIVE BRANCH PRECLUDED FROM MAKING/INTERPRETING LAWS: The police personnel involved in the ‘’Cordon and Search’’ Operation are acting under the direct orders of the Police Commissioner. It is settled law that Department Circulars imposing conditions on the public do not have the mandate of rule or law as they are merely executive, in-house instructions. Imposing conditions that adversely affect guaranteed rights can be made only through legislation. Police are not empowered to make legislation. In the absence of such legislation mere Circulars cannot be acted upon, being violative of Articles 14 and 21 of Constitution of India. As such, the Police Commissioner is not empowered to breach Rights guaranteed by the Constitution and circumvent procedures mandated by statute and numerous Appellate Court rulings.

There are parallel considerations with the illegalities of Vijayawada’s ‘’Operation Night Domination’’ (I wonder which Telugu film script writer came up with that title!). There too, Police proposed new regulations making it mandatory for one to be in possession of ID cards at night while they merrily conducted random searches with impunity which lead to many arrests. The Hon. State High Court then ruled that the public at large should not be seen as suspects thereby negating the restrictions ordered by the Police Commissioner as invalid; a far cry from their recent ruling.

POLICE’S PREVIOUS EXPLANATION: In his interview with IndiaToday on October 2, 2013, Deputy Commissioner of Police V Siva Kumar stated, “Though we don’t have specific inputs on stay of terror suspects in these areas but this operation will help in maintaining a close watch on such elements also“. In other words, Police have (had) no specific leads that would legitimize intrusion into a private home. They were/are on a ‘fishing expedition’ hoping to catch someone – anyone even remotely suspected of being associated with a possible crime anywhere.

POLICE’S CURRENT EXPLANATION: However, now, with more than two years’ experience in ‘’Cordon and Search’’ Operations under the belt, and reciprocal, accumulated expertise in parrying media queries on legality of such arbitrary searches/seizures/arrests while confining freedom of movement of entire neighborhoods at unreasonable hours of night, police response seems to have evolved to reflect a semblance of legitimacy; not necessarily, credibility: CV Anand, IPS On April 19, 2015, charismatic, straight faced Cyberabad Police Commissioner C.V. Anand and other Police brass stated to Deccan Chronicle that all searches are carried out ‘’as per law’’. One wonders, WHOSE law; an existing statute or an in-house circular from top brass? “An ACP or a Station House Officer has to get a warrant before conducting the search. The search memos are drafted and reasons are mentioned before obtaining the warrant”. Certainly sounds legit – Who’s to argue with an armed man, eh? But whether these words hold any water is a relevant, core issue on hand!

DAAL-MEIN-KALA” STATEMENT: Realistically, if the charismatic, straight faced Cyberabad Police Commissioner C.V. Anand is to be believed, how many months would an Asst. Commissioner/SHO be devoting toward compiling (inventing?) a pseudo-credible search proceedings FOR EACH HOUSE IN HIS AREA, and what specific ‘credible’ reasons would he document to satiate the magistrate into justifying blanket warrants TO CORDON OFF ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOODS, authorize police intrusion during hours of darkness, and conduct a witch hunt for ‘’anything illegal-objectionable’’ in anybody’s home! Is this Stalin’s Russia we’re living in (or turning into)??

Certainly, a Magistrate of the required Class is empowered to issue Warrants. Ordinarily, searches conducted by police officers or any investigating officer will be valid only if a formal accusation has been leveled against the subject person or if he/she did not respond to summons, (e.g., subpoena to produce documents and things). But Warrants have to be specific. They should specify the person, location, objects to be searched, and, often, the time for search. The wording cannot be vague. The police cannot be directed to search and seize any property which the police believe to be “objectionable articles” required for the purpose of investigation. This would indicate that neither the Magistrate nor the police knew what they were searching for! A plain reading of such ‘Warrants’ would show that the search is more of a `fishing expedition’ or a `roving search’. It would disclose no specific reasons or circumstances for the issuance of the Warrant and would, therefore, be clearly illegal.

POLICE ‘JUSTIFICATION’ SHROUDED IN MYSTERY: We are unsure as to which section of the Criminal Code (henceforth, the CrPC) these Cordon and Search Warrants get their authority from, or the substance of the Warrant, nor WHO issued them (viz., to determine competency of the judge or whether he ‘applied his judicial mind’ before authorizing this widespread intrusion in the private lives of entire communities and neighborhoods). There is no information as to whether any resident-victim of the Cordon and Search Operation was shown the substance of the Warrant as is required under CrPC Section 75 – or whether there even exists a Warrant at all in the first place!

IdiotThese police excesses continue unabated because, as yet, no one has come forward to question them, eye to eye. Even the local courts seem to go along with the mockery while the passive public  drowns in ignorance or wallows in apathy toward possible extra-judicial methods of policing.

What of those who paid for out freedom with their blood? What of the Framers of the Constitution who came up with the magna carta, due process, and the Rule of Law? One thing’s for certain: They don’t have a Swiss bank account! But that’s not the reason they’re rolling in the grave: there is little indication of anyone holding on to the Torch they paid dearly for. Where’s our independent Judiciary, the’ last bastion of Justice’, at a time we need them – to examine, on a case by specific case basis,  the constitutional validity of these arbitrary intrusions into private lives and homes.? Have they relinquished their suo moto powers to uphold the Constitution they swore to protect? Or, are these signs of a crumbling world’s largest Democracy metamorphosing into the world’s largest Police State?

Evidence; more appropriately, lack of evidence, certainly places serious doubt on the charismatic, straight-faced Cyberabad Police Commissioner C.V. Anand’s public declaration that all searches are carried out ‘’as per law’’. It would be administratively impossible to generate Search Memos requesting Search/Arrest Warrants for each house in the neighborhood. What is the criterion set for designating entire neighborhoods as a ‘Criminal Area’? Does a Cordon and Search Operation in a ‘Criminal Area’ inoculate it from criminal elements and render it worthy of the label, ‘De-Criminalized Area! This area is free of crime’!?

Police Commissioner CV Anand Has TALENT

If Warrants are, in fact, lawfully obtained, i.e., based upon good-faith, credible information, they would relate to a select few homes/individuals. But, one sees these organized assaults on entire neighborhoods by a horde of 200-plus policemen involves court-anointed muscle-flexing, house-to-house intrusion during hours of darkness, the questioning of awoken residents including school-going children, the inspection of private-personal-letters-documents-paperwork-photographs, heirlooms and jewelry, etc. : a fishing expedition for anything suspicious; and the physical stifling of indignant complainants thru’ utilization of typical strong arm tactics our police is notorious for.

FUNDAMENTAL CHARACTERISTIC OF PRIVACY: There is no doubt that everyone has something to hide from the public eye. It might be something petty, embarrassing, or even something serious. Police are already lawfully empowered with immense resources to do their job within the existing framework of the law. With the statutory division of the three Branches of Government, it is immoral, unethical, and illegal for courts to vicariously assume an Executive role as Police puppets no matter how purportedly benign the judicial ‘rubber stamp’ may appear. Or worse, don the ‘legislature hat’ and interpret laws in such a manner that a new perspective of the established law takes precedence. And who’s to argue with a judge’s point of view that could land your patriotic ass into the slammer for ‘Contempt’? They are experts at logic and arguing a case either way, and wield an industrial size boner to back their play. Ouch! Mercy!

So, as we, the intellectually paraplegic citizenry, embark on an academic (mis-) adventure to speculate on which Section(s) of the Criminal Code could possibly authorize such drastic police intrusions in the private lives and homes that comprise large neighborhoods – absent a National Emergency – we stumble upon Section 144 CrPC.

CrPC §144 – THE GRANDADDY OF ALL WARRANTS: In a nutshell, CrPC Section 144 confers plenary powers upon the magistrate to issue an immediate, absolute order BUT exclusively in urgent cases of nuisance or anticipated danger when, in his subjective opinion, there is sufficient ground for proceeding immediately to accomplish a speedy remedy. If there is neither an urgency calling for the application of a speedy remedy nor apprehension of imminent danger to human life, health or safety, etc., the magistrate cannot issue such an ex-parte order under this section.  Unless the emergency is sudden and the consequences sufficiently grave, the exercise of power conferred by CrPC Section 144 could be struck down as frivolous – or so we are made to understand.

The magistrate must assess the situation to his satisfaction (i.e., ‘apply his mind’) and issue the order in writing setting forth specific material facts of the case and in the manner provided by CrPC Section 134 and sub-sections of CrPC 144. Certain stringent conditions have been imposed by the appellate courts on a magistrate exercising this absolute power. Not only would the magistrate’s specific written reasoning for taking cognizance be open for Appellate scrutiny, but also the specificity of his directions and conformance to well settled guidelines, i.e., whether the order has been issued mechanically and without any consideration of the guidelines stressed by higher courts meant to protect us from abuse of such powers. This power can only be exercised in cases of imminent emergency; therefore, it purportedly  regulates the magisterial function and, IF APPLIED PROPERLY, is not unconstitutional.Brace_Yourself

LETTER OF THE LAW vs. SPIRIT OF THE LAW vs. IMPRACTICAL APPLICABILITY: The Supreme Court enumerated five points which would justify the constitutional validity of Section 144. These ‘’prerequisites’’ serve more as catalysts to judicial reasoning, for lack of a more appropriate analogy; sort of like ‘’A Magisterial Guide To Due Process Of Law – Check List For The Intellectually Challenged’’.  The provisions therein are, no doubt, benign and intended to anoint some semblance of due deliberation on government actions that affect one’s privacy rights. However, one notices, the only action ‘’hardened into law’’ is magisterial whim/discretion!They are as follows:

1) Although the Magistrate has power under this Section to pass ex-parte orders, generally, however, the procedure that is followed is to serve a notice to the person against whom the order is being passed. Only in cases of extreme critical situations, the Magistrate may resort to passing an ex-parte order. [NOTE: But this ‘service of notice’ requirement would defeat the very purpose for the Police’s fishing ‘net’ (a practical synonym for ‘Cordon and Search’) where the tactical advantage is surprise].

2) Additionally, the persons aggrieved by the order have a right to challenge the order on grounds they find appropriate. This goes to supports the view that the power granted under this Section is not arbitrary. (NOTE: Nevertheless, the likelihood of the ‘aggrieved person’ challenging this order beforehand is almost Zilch since the enthusiastic raiding party of 200-plus, beefed-up goon squad will have already conducted the raid and our ‘aggrieved’ hero would, most likely, already have his ass in custody).

3) To substantiate the above, an opportunity for hearing and to show cause is also provided to the person challenging the order of the Magistrate. Therefore, the principles of natural justice are also purportedly reflected in this Section. [NOTE: An opportunity for hearing and to show cause should present itself BEFORE the Warrant is executed, i.e., IF a Warrant truly existed in the first place! When a trial judge enters an order that “departs from the essential requirements of law” appellate review is, and should be, available by immediate petition for a writ of certiorari instead of allowing the error to stand and forcing the aggrieved party to seek appellate remedy only after entry of final judgment; in our case, issuance and execution of an all-inclusive Warrant. For example, issuance of a writ is proper to reverse a trial judge order overruling objections to a request for the production of documents, since issuance of such an order allows irreparable injury that cannot be cured on appeal at the conclusion of a case. Nevertheless, there’s some showing here of ‘checks and balances’ that might arouse a fleeting nod of approval from Constitution pundits in their ivory towers of academia. (NOTE: In practice, however, our disenchanted hero will have no voice in the matter. He will have acquired other more pressing concerns while prancing about in jail, like protecting his virgin derriere from overzealous, predatory cellmates)].

4) The fact that the aggrieved party has the right to challenge the propriety of the order, cloaks the magistrate’s decision with responsible deliberation based on rationale. (REALITY CHECK: How common is it for a judge to over-rule a brother judge’s capacity and raison d’être while ‘applying his mind’)?

5) Finally the High Court’s power of revision under CrPC Section 435 read with Section 439, also pacifies any (righteous!!) trepidation that the order under Section 144 is non-appealable. The High Court can either quash the order or ask the Magistrate for the material facts, thus ensuring accountability. (NOTE: Unless the Magistrate is a total schmuck, the HC will never find their brother-judge’s reasoning to be utterly without merit).Democracy

REPETITIVE WARRANT SEARCHES = ABUSE OF POWER: It is settled law that any restriction which is opposed to the fundamental principles of liberty and justice cannot be considered reasonable. One of the tests to determine ‘reasonableness’ is to see whether the aggrieved party has a right to representation against the restrictions imposed or proposed to be imposed. ‘No person can be deprived of his liberty without being afforded an opportunity to be heard in defense and that opportunity must be adequate, fair, and reasonable’ (NOTE: There’s no mention of ‘timely’). Further, the courts have to see whether the restrictions are in excess of the requirement or whether they are imposed in an arbitrary manner. (NOTE: True! True! But this is Law in text books! The legislative intent of this mandate is clearly to afford an opportunity to contest the adverse proposal BEFORE it takes the form of an Order. These concessions are precautionary and imbedded as a protection from arbitrary, tyrannical rulings before such rulings are actually made. But, in real life situations occurring before us, their practical worth seems to be less than zilch. What’s the point in critiquing a purportedly dubious ex-parte court order when the damage has already been done)?

More importantly, the Hon. Supreme Court continues, an order under Section 144 cannot be of a permanent or a semi-permanent nature, or ongoing as a matter of course: “The Parliament never intended the life on an order under Section 144 of the Code to remain in force beyond two months when made by a Magistrate. The scheme of that Section DOES NOT CONTEMPLATE REPETITIVE ORDERS and, in case the situation so warrants, steps have to be taken under other provisions of the law when individual disputes are raised. If repetitive orders are made it would clearly amount to abuse of the power conferred by section 144 of the Code.” Acharya Jagdisharanand Avadhut v Police Commissioner [Equivalent citations: 1984 AIR 512, 1984 SCR (1) 447 – Bench: Misra Rangnath, Bhagwati, P.N., Sen, Amarendra Nath (J) – Citation: 1984 Air 512 1984 Scr (1) 447, 1983 Scc (4) 522 1983 Scale (2)565 – Citator Info: Ho 1987 Sc 748 (23), Rf 1992 Sc 377 (10)].

Surely there’s no other way of assessing these ongoing Cordon and Search Operations as but routine and repetitive?

Worlds Largest DemocracyI am told that there have been cases where orders issued under CrPC §144 were struck down on appeal when such orders were not warranted by the circumstances, or the orders so issued did not specifically mention the area on which the restriction are to be imposed, or there had been a deviation from guidelines mentioned under Section 134 as also in various sub-Sections of CrPC 144. However, I am yet to find a good, solid citation to support this hypothesis …

One must keep in mind that power to impose restrictions on personal liberties of individuals pursuant to CrPC §144, whether in a specific locality or in a town itself, pertains to situations that have the POTENTIAL to cause unrest or danger to peace and tranquility in such areas due to certain disputes. As such, the intent is to diffuse or control anticipatory crimes of emergent nature. Now, if you’ve been following the nocturnal adventures of our Police, you will notice a laundry list of ‘’accomplishments’’ (call it ‘’pat on their back’’ or ‘’blowing their own trumpet’’) resulting from their Cordon and Search Operations (Google it): seized vehicles (stolen, or unregistered, or unpaid traffic challans), some ‘’suspected’’ stolen mobile phones, some bail-jumpers or Rowdy-Sheeters apprehended, some suspects with suspected links to suspected terror groups nabbed, a modest amount of ‘’unaccounted for’’ money discovered, child labor or sex worker ‘’rescued’’ (who commonly revert back to the same line of work), and, if all else fails, there’s always a couple of knives in the kitchen that could be brought under the purview of the Arms Act, etc., etc.

Now, if these are in fact bonofide crimes, THEY HAVE ALREADY OCCURRED; there is nothing ANTICIPATORY in their nature and not relevant to the prerequisites envisioned by CrPC §144; therefore, they are a blatant abuse of process.

ALSO CONSIDER THIS: If you cheated on your Taxes, you’re a criminal. If you parked your vehicle in a ‘No Parking’ Zone, you’re a criminal. If you jumped a Red Light, you’re a criminal. If you ever flirted with a nonreciprocating member of the opposite sex, you’re a criminal. If you lied to get a job, you’re a criminal. If you failed to pay traffic challans (fines), you’re a criminal. If you ever bribed a government official (a required practice here), you’re a criminal. A ‘Criminal’ is no different from the rest… except that he got caught! What is critical here is, was he caught lawfully, or through an illegal or improper search?

We all have potential to become crooks. We all have potential to commit crimes. Does this mean we should all be under surveillance or under constant government control to offset that hypothetical possibility (– knowing fully well that some of our most celebrated crooks are in government)?

But, going by buzz words from police brass (e.g., ‘terrorism’, ‘fugitives from justice’, ‘money laundering activities’, ‘stolen vehicles’, ‘murder suspects’, etc.), that, by their linguistic connotation, effuse a sinister, panicky, clear and present danger-type scenario, a hasty judiciary is influenced to allow extreme measures to augment routine police work. And a tolerant, gullible, intellectually paraplegic citizenry is left with little option but to grab its ankles and get a real-time perspective on what is REALLY happening to their patriotic derriere under color of law.

Stupic_CopARE THESE DESPERATE TIMES CALLING FOR DESPERATE MEASURES?? If such excessive measures are routinely employed by police to ‘deter crimes’ or ‘bring criminals to justice’, or pursue ‘possible’ terror suspects, it does not take a genius to figure out that the best method for crooks to escape detection is to simply move into a neighborhood that already had its share of pong from the police’s Cordon and Search presence. So, is there any logic to, or genuine necessity for these flamboyant, extreme, Cordon and Search operations in day-to-day/night-to-night routine police work absent a seriously imminent national emergency?

Bear in mind that the premise here is that a Warrant per CrPC §144 does in fact exist – it is merely a premise. If it does not exist, or if the Warrant is facially flawed (i.e., issued without due deliberation), then every arrest, detention, intrusion, etc., under the Cordon and Search Operation is a criminal act perpetrated by the Police.

One may perhaps condone flawed laws enacted by our chosen legislature (who merely represent the modest IQ of the voting public), but, our Judiciary, being the last bastion of equity and justice should seriously deliberate upon such usually unnecessary extreme violations of Privacy and Human Rights they swore to protect. Who is to determine whether there exists an improper exercise of judicial functions the cumulativeNGO-Lunatics For A Better World effect of which would be to lower the dignity of the Judiciary and further undermine the confidence of the public in the administration of justice? Who is to determine whether these ‘Cordon and Search’ operations represent racial profiling at work and are are geared toward minority communities? Even worse, there seems a real possibility some elements of the judiciary may be unwittingly facilitating our transformation into a totalitarian Police State.

I leave you with this thought from Justice William O. Douglas, Former Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States:

As nightfall does not come all at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains seemingly unchanged. And it is in such a twilight that we all must be aware of change in the air—however slight—lest we become unwilling victims of the darkness.”

Copyright 2015. Carlisle Collins. havepenwillwrite. All Rights Reserved.


October 19, 2014




(at his secret retreat in the Monte Carlo Hilton)

Q: Firstly Sir, let me thank you for taking time off your busy schedule and granting this exclusive interview.
CALIPH: OK. Go ahead. I’m waiting …
Q: Excuse me …?
CALIPH: You asked for permission to thank me… Remember?
Q: Oh yes .. I am very grateful for this unique honor, Sir.
CALIPH: Words. Merely words. Why don’t you Westerner infidels back your words up with action? Demonstrate your freakin’ gratitude!!Caliph
Q: Well, I promise to write a word by word, honest account of our meeting, Sir. How else can I thank you …?
CALIPH: On your freakin’ knees, Peckerwood! Drop your shorts and come to Daddy! Y’know, Big-Daddy! “Bagdadi”, get it?!
Q: Uh! Can’t this wait ‘till later? Can’t we talk first …
CALIPH: Like, “get to know each other first … break the ice … verbal foreplay …”? Ya. There’s no rush … You Westerners procrastinate the inevitable by time-wasting, yip yap cockteasing. OK … I understand. See? I’m so very understanding! Now talk!
Q: Well Sir. We in the West are curious to know what exactly you want. Surely your agenda goes beyond establishing a Caliphate. You could have done so in some piddly little village with majority rule. What’s with this expansionist policy seizing military bases, sophisticated weaponry, summary execution of captives …. What gives, eh?
CALIPH: I’ll sum it up in two words: Affirmative Action – Equal Opportunity.
Q: Those are four words!
CALIPH: Not when I say they aren’t! Listen, Limpdick! We are simple law abiding people here who just happen to be a “minority group” as defined by Law – YOUR LAW! Affirmative action is intended to promote the opportunities of minority groups within a society … to give them equal access to that of the majority population. Are you with me so far?National Executions Academy_2
Q: Yea … but I’m trying to figure out where this is headed. “Law abiding”? How do you figure that?
CALIPH: We’ve always idolized the Rule of Law that America symbolizes. If you make an objective assessment of the US’s Rule of Law in action within their sovereign border as well as overseas, you will realize a striking similarity between our responses when dealing with dissent. You could say we’re moving closer to the US model of dealing with shit-stirrers, and certainly making a good faith effort to emulate US Policy.
Q: I really don’t see how …. Do you have a Constitution?
CALIPH: You’re talking to him, Morning-Breath! Besides, unlike republics, democracies are fragile; they’re designed to fail – and give way to dictatorship! But that’s beyond your comprehension so I’ll keep it simple … Let me illustrate the similarity between your President Obumba and an aspiring visionary such as I. My domain is the Caliphate; yours is a Police State. O’Bumbo is a caliph in his own right with broad executive powers over his people. But he did it by guile, smooth talk, bullshitting, inspiring fear of a purported external threat to the country, and butt kissing the naïve electorate. Man … What a limp-wristed woosie!! Me? I did the macho thing: I just seized it! And there ain’t no pussy-faced moddafokka gonna to take it away either! But I gotta hand it to that O’Beamer dude: He’s a smoothie … He could sell sand to a Bedouin and make a profit. Look what he did to that fella in Saudi … the silver-tongued devil … must have pummeled those callipygian cuties in Yale right into a Delta Kappa Epsilon coma … Sorry. Just thinking out loud… Now, where was I …?
Q: I think you were expressing regrets not having opportunity to pummel those callipygian cuties at Yale into a Delta Kappa Epsilon coma …?
CALIPH: Ya well, our indigenous variety are a hellofalot better stacked; b’sides, over here, you don’t lose your motor home if she decides to bring out her “inner bitch” …
Q: But, what about your tent?
CALIPH: They can have mine. .. Got it from K-Mart. It’s old, raggedy, made in China; cost me forty bucks on Closeout!.
Q: You were talking about Equal Opportunity before we got sidetracked. How is that relevant to your mission?
CALIPH: What a dumbass question! You numbskulls need to go out more, meet people, do some reading, watch the freaking news every now and then … Don’t you see what’s going on around the world? Which version of Truth do you report? You don’t happen to work for PRAVDA, do you?
Q: Fox News.
CALIPH: Same thing! Government vehicles of propaganda. Anyway, this is our position: What gives the US government authority to stifle dissent, albeit, through “legislation”, among its own people a la Adolph Hitler and Nazi Germany? What gives the US government right to invade other countries? What gives the US government right to massacre thousands through wars outside its borders? What gives the US government right to displace lawful governments and appoint its puppet regime instead? What gives the US government right to steal strategic resources from other countries?


But these atrocities are “legitimized” through effective propaganda and a conspiring media. And, of course, a thumb-sucking, gullible populace. Like I said, we’re a private, non-interfering, law abiding group. Did we interfere in the massacre of Native Americans or the millions during World War I and II? Did we interfere in the US invasion of Vietnam and the slaughter of thousands by US troops? Did we not emulate the US by remaining silent spectators to Nazi abominations against Jews and their European neighbors, or the more recent eugenics in Croatia/Serbia? Closer to home, did we offer any resistance to the recent US inspired overthrow of the Libyan or Egyptian governments? Or the US supported victimization of our Palestinian brethren? Did we interfere in the US invasion of Afghanistan and Iraq….. etc., etc. Well, to be fair, maybe some of our fighters did, but not this, my State, per se. We didn’t even exist back then … no’wumsayin?

Our position is THE US DOES NOT HAVE EXCLUSIVE RIGHT TO PROVOKE WARS AND KILL!! We just wanna join in the fun – and the world can grab a ringside seat and see that we are ahellofalot better than the Westerner infidels in killing our people. And we do it with BALLS: face to masked face (a la Zorro), mano a mano, not like those dickless cowards in the sky  ….. May the fleas from a hundred camels party in their groin …
Q: Makes sense … kind of …. But what’s puzzling is your wars are against your Moslem neighbors and both sides yell, “Allah Ho Akbar” (Allah Is Great). So, whose side is Allah on?
CALIPH: Obviously, on the side of the victors.
Q: What would happen if you lost these wars?
CALIPH: You’ll be dealing with an endlessly metastasizing and metamorphosing spiritually and morally conservative communities such as ours. We’ll just surface under a different name, carry a different banner, and join you cussing out this, my State; our mission, however, will remain pretty much the same … One God_One Lawnowhumsayin?
Q: But the word is, your fighters are taking a horrendous kicking on several fronts …
CALIPH: Victory for Allah is our final goal, and the road to victory is paved with the blood of martyrs and of those who get in our way – also camel dung, to be quite honest … Loads of camel poop, you won’t believe! Don’t go for the crap they dish out on National Geographic or the Discovery Channel. They paint the desert with romanticism, as an “endless sea of pristine sedimentation, unadulterated through countless generations of self purifying wind …wah …wah … wah …” . What a load of bull hoinkery! Hah! Believe you me, there’s nothing “purifying” when camels break wind; and nothing “pristine” about camel dung. This desert has generations upon generation of camel shit circulating with sand in the air we breathe. Some swear it adds a certain Bedouin flavor to our cooking … Now, where was I? Oh yes … the road to Vegas lined with bloody camel poop …? Damn … I plain forgot!
Q: Moving on, Sir: In Islam, isn’t it a mortal sin to kill “Believers”; and don’t Christians and Jews also worship the same Creator – but call Him by a different name? More importantly, what began as a sectarian Sunni versus Shia conflict, how do you justify the killing of your fellow Sunni brethren who are rightfully defending their homes, families, sovereign identity? Doesn’t the Quran prohibit forced conversions and abhor slavery? Didn’t Prophet Mohammad decree the Rules of War and banned the persecution of women, children, old folk, and those who do not fight against you?
CALIPH: Hey! Will ya freakin’ quit with the trick questions! OK?! Look! I don’t have the time or patience to explain Islamic Theology to you and be trapped in a discussion that’ll have Jehovah’s Witnesses knocking on my door every Sunday morning.
Q: But I’m Mormon.
CALIPH: Even worse …! Suffice it to say, there is no god but God. Islam has been, is, and will be the religion of God since Adam, Noah, Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, Job, Jonah, Aaron, Solomon, David, Moses, Jesus, and, the final Seal of all Prophets, Mohammad, (Peace Be Upon All Prophets). One God – One Law! Through time, His Laws as embodied in the Holy Zabur, the Holy Torah, and the Holy Injeel (Bible), were gradually perfected and enshrined in the Holy Qur’an. Yes! Every Prophet’s followers are Believers, but every Prophet foretold the coming of the next to follow, who would convey God’s Will to change or amend His laws. ‘Esa (Jesus) foretold the coming of the Last Prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Them All) who delivered the final Code of Conduct – The Shariat – that Allah expects of all mankind. A “believer” whose conduct is tangential to the Shariat is no Believer, but an apostate, an infidel; more so, the pseudo-“believer” who conspires and forms alliances with those who raise the sword against Allah and His Holy Prophets! These are the enemies of Allah – therefore, our enemies! And Victory as foretold, when it is won, will not be ours, but Allah’s. So, you see, just like Georgie Sr. and Jr., the Rockmefellas, the Wrathchilds, and their cronies, we’re also hep on A New World Order – OURS!!
Q: You haven’t explained forced conversions, the killing of women and kids, etc. When will the killing stop. Do you see any end to this conflict?
CALIPH: I can’t handle more than one trick question at a time, Pilgrim! Alright? About the killings, I’m nowhere even close to the Guinness Record what with stalwarts like Genghis Khan, Montezuma, Pope Innocent III and his Inquisition buddies, King Dick and the Crusades (sounds like a R&R band, eh?), Stalin, Hitler, Mao Zedung, the Bush legacy, Ben Nutsanyahoo; not to forget the legendary Cecil B. DeMille (Didn’t ya ever watch his movies? Man …! That mowfow killed a zillion in just a few hours … Now, that’s far freakin’ out, Dude …)!. So, why make such a big deal about me? I’m the little guy, remember – just starting off? Like I said, we’re just emulating US foreign policy. When they stop killing and provoking people to kill. We will follow suit – Honest! Cross my Beheadheart!
Q: But we fear, by that time, you just might take over the Middle East, Europe, and America …
CALIPH: Yea. I saw that movie, too …. Well, if that’s the only way to stop the madness and restore peace, so be it! Heck … I could even be in for the Nobel Prize or an Oscar!! You could view this as “A War For Peace“!
Q: But, isn’t fighting “A War For Peace” like “Fucking For Virginity”?
CALIPH: You mean there are still some running around? Virgins …? Where? I have a message for them: “THANKS FOR NOTHING“!! Now go report the truth. Remember, the last red headed stepchild who lied, lost his head … Kinda’ gives a new meaning to the term, “Gimme some head, Byatch”, eh?
Q: Gulp! One final question, Sir. Your manner of speaking betrays a hint of “Americanization”. Did you happen to pick up some “Americanese” in the United States; or, maybe, from some missionary in the local gutter … ?
Feel_LuckyCALIPH: Nope! Never been to the States, but I’d like to check out the cathouses in Carson City someday; that is, IF O’Bummer’s liberal immigration policy is still around – and if this damn bounty on my head is ever lifted. Failing which, I could always switch to Plan B: Sneak across the border as a Mexican hopeful, mi cariño – sell crank to gringos, comprende …? Viva La Raza …!! And, NO. “Missionary Style” is really not my style. I picked up English watching Clint Eastwood movies …. So, do you feel lucky, Punk? Well, DO YA? Now, go ahead … make me doink!


Copyright 2014. Carlisle Collins. havepenwillwrite. All Rights Reserved.


July 17, 2014


Sometimes I write drunk and revise sober, and sometimes I write sober and revise drunk.But you have to have both elements in creation — the Apollonian and the Dionysian, or spontaneity and restraint, emotion and discipline.” – Peter De Vries in “Reuben, Reuben” P. 242 -1964.

There are two Police Academies in the State of Telengana, viz. SVP National Police Academy, and the Andhra Pradesh Police Academy ( APPA ). The Police Academies are autonomous government agencies functioning on an allocated budget either under the stewardship of the State (APPA) or the Central Government (SVPNPA).

For any civil servant affiliated with the State’s criminal justice system, a certification from the State Police Academy is not merely a “feather in the cap”, but a ticket to reaching greater heights in their career.

Aside from the Academies’ primary function, viz. to train selected cadets and qualify them to function as entry-level police officers, it also provides vital continuing education by scheduling a variety of specialized, residential as well as non-residential training courses to keep staff abreast of developments and policy/procedure changes.

These short-term courses range anywhere from less than a month to several months in duration; their curricula being “tailor made” to suit the functional discipline of whichever State department that happens to enroll in the staff development course.

Here’s how the scam selection process works:

Appropriate notification is published informing prospects of the proposed course, synopsis of its curriculum, and required qualifications of applicants.

Applications are screened and selections made; The selectee’s respective departments are notified.

Selected applicants are told to bring the Course Fees along with them when registering for the course. In the instant case, a sum of Rs. 20,000/- was required for admission.

The applicant approached his Department Head for the Registration Fees. He was told to make the payment; that it would be reimbursed to him before completion of the course. Apparently, the requisition would have to be processed by Accounting Dept., and others. It would “take some time” for the reimbursement checks to be issued…

So, the applicant proceeds to register at the Academy and submits a personal check for Rs. 20,000/-.

He is informed that only cash or an official check from his Department is accepted.

While he is wrangling about payment protocol, he notices another candidate registering for the same course at the table beside his. A similar interchange occurs, “We only accept cash payment …”. So, this other person pays Rs. 20,000/- in cash. His name is duly registered for the course.

But when he requests a receipt for his payment, he is told, “ … the authorizing officer is absent at this time; but rest assured, your receipt will be duly delivered to you shortly …” .

IT NEVER IS!! And there’s no way the Mark could apply for reimbursement from his Department even though attendance in the course is proof enough that he paid Rs. 20,000/-.

As for our stalwart hero who refused to pay cash absent proof of payment, he succumbed to an adverse transfer for making waves!!

So what happens to all that loot (i.e., undocumented Registration Fees from thousands of successful applicants every year)? One can only speculate; and don’t even think for a moment the higher ups are naïve about this practice. Some may see it as yet another enterprising enterprise inherent in our enterprising police system – and everyone is happy including the now certified Mark, his boss, bosses’ boss, etcetera, etcetera …. Jai Hind!

Crooked CopsCopyright 2014. All Rights Reserved. Carlisle Collins – Havepenwillwrite