DINESH PEDDANNA is in the news again:
Now, below might be the conceptual, “un-edited” rendition of a Q&A session that some may hallucinate to be more plausible. No sane person would print it in this our real world of bogus journalism. But, just for the heck of it, let’s pretend for a moment to be residents of Fairytale Land where all have Coprolalia; i.e., an uncontrollable neuropsychiatric disorder that impels one to publicly vocalize often embarrassing thoughts concealed in the subconscious – like truth! For politicians, it would be tantamount to committing political suicide: Obtuse declarations in public lead to concurrent consequences adverse to one’s self interests (especially if criminal charges are pending).
Therefore, the Q&A dialogue below never occurred and there’s no malice intended, so just skim through the crap as you would the Sunday cartoons – and vote for an honest politician when you find one.
WHY DID YOU ENTER POLITICS? Well, Madam, I was always into politics. How do you think I rose up to become DGP? I learned early in life that it’s not what you know that counts: it’s WHO you know. Favor for favors, tit for tat, eye for an eye … I made many enemies as a top cop but you know that old proverb, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend”? Well, I always found a friend in the cesspool to bail me out. Besides, everyone knows there exists a strong camaraderie and reciprocal back scratching within the Reddy clan ….
SOME PRIVATELY OPINE THAT YOU GOT INTO POLITICS TO DODGE THE ONGOING CBI INVESTIGATION INTO YOUR DISPROPORTIONATE ASSETS AND OTHER CRIMINAL ALLEGATIONS. YOU CERTAINLY WERE EQUIPPED TO DO IT, WHAT WITH YOUR POWERFUL POSITION AND “FAVOR FOR FAVOR” DISPOSITION … Weeelll, look at it this way, Madam: You certainly are equipped to be a prostitute. But are you a prostitute? Now, in the broader sense of the label (prostitute), she need not be someone who sells her professional services for money. I have more respect for such women rather than those “closet hookers” who sleep around for favors, or revenge, or promotions while concealed behind a curtain of pseudo respectability.
YOU SEEM TO HAVE A HEALTHY FONDNESS FOR STREET WALKERS, BUT WHAT’S THIS GOT TO DO WITH THE CBI, POLITICS, AND YOU? Everything! I need their vote too. As for my buddies in the CBI, we all belong to the IPS Fraternity, if you get my drift! Wake up, Darling! You don’t still believe in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, do you? Why do you think some would even sell their mothers to become cops? Because crime pays! It pays pretty damn well!! Oh! I do remember one honest cop …. MV Thomas, IPS …. an embarrassment to the rest of us … but he’s dead …. good riddance … Now, please don’t quote me on that, OK?
WHAT ABOUT THE VOTING WOMEN POOL? AS DGP YOU MADE SOME OFF THE WALL REMARKS ABOUT WOMEN WEARING “REVEALING” ATTIRE AS CONTRIBUTING TO RAPE INCIDENTS. THE PUBLIC DIDN’T TAKE TOO KINDLY TO YOUR REMARKS. I was simply exercising my Right To Free Speech and Expression. There are other notable community leaders who expressed like sentiments in public. I have nothing against women strutting around in sleazy clothing – the sleezier, the better! To most sane people, it would be the Gandhian exercise of self control/self restraint – “Bhramacharianism”! Men needn’t ogle or gawk at these exhibitionists, or infringe upon their Right to Free Expression – no matter how wet or hard the tongue becomes! Our movies, our culture misdirects us into believing that Rape is an act of sex – and, so, it’s OK because she’ll relent anyway – after a few love songs. Rape is an act of POWER. It is the worst form of theft and degradation.
WELL SPOKEN, SIR! Thank you! It took quite a few hours last night to memorize that line.
MOVING ON … JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO, YOU WERE WOOING THE BHARATIYA JANATA PARTY FOR LOK SABHA CANDIDATURE IN THE ONGOLE CONSTITUENCY. AND, JUST TO PLAY IT SAFE, YOU WERE ALSO KISSING UP TO THE TELUGU DESAM! MANY VIEW THE BJP AS COMMUNAL. DID YOU HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR THE BJP WHILE IN POWER? I had a “soft spot” for anyone with political clout. It’s no secret that politicians exercise absolute control over the police. When I become a Member of Parliament, there will be no more brown nosing for me. And then, the police including the CBI can come and kiss my fat ass.
YOU CERTAINLY HAVE A POINT THERE! And you certainly have TWO! He! He! Old police joke … no offense intended!
NONE TAKEN … I SUPPOSE? NOW, MISTER REDDY … That’s me! Always ready … He! He! He!
MISTER REDDY, THERE ARE SOME VALID CONCERNS ABOUT YOUR LOYALTY … I MEAN … WELL, FIRST YOU TRY FOR BJP SUPPORT, THEN T.D., AND NOW, QUITE SURPRISINGLY, YOU’RE CAMPAIGNING ON A YSR CONGRESS TICKET! BUT WHAT’S MORE ASTONISHING IS THAT YOU MADE A PUBLIC DECLARATION THAT “FALSE CBI CHARGES WERE INTENTIONALLY BROUGHT AGAINST JAGAN”, THE YSRC PRESIDENT WHO SPENT SIXTEEN MONTHS IN PRISON. IF YOU BELIEVED THIS TO BE TRUE ALL ALONG, AS THE STATE’S DIRECTOR GENERAL OF POLICE, DID YOU NOT ALSO HAVE A MAJOR ROLE IN HIS IMPRISONMENT?
Look, Lady! Have you forgotten the fundamental maxim of justice? The preponderance of innocence! He is innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt! While in Judicial Custody, he was looked upon as an innocent person – for 16 freaking months! You can’t get any more innocent than that. Now, on bail, he still is cloaked in innocence or so the law books say. Besides, can you count the number of lips I have on this mantastic face? ONE set of two, right? Which means I can only kiss one ass at a time to hold on to my job. The asses I was kissing were a hellofalot more powerful and potent than Jagan’s sorry little butt strutting around in prison. But I did what I could to make his life luxurious in the slammer. Hell! He had TV, mobile ‘phones, laptop, visitors galore, exercise, gourmet food from home but he stuck to simple veg. stuff – and, most of all, quality time to think, plan, strategize. What more could I have done for him? Smuggled women? Hmmm … maybe next time … Not a single day passed where I was not empathizing with his austere plight of involuntary celibacy and escalating level of testosterone in the slammer – and thanking Providence that I wasn’t his cellmate!
VERY TOUCHING …! WE WISH YOU SUCCESS IN THE ELECTION, SIR. BY THE WAY, DO YOU HAVE AN ELECTION SLOGAN? Sure do. How does this sound: “Don’t vote for Modi. Vote for me. I’m sexcular”?
Copyright 2014. All Rights Reserved. Carlisle Collins – Havepenwillwrite