V. DINESH REDDY, IPS: A CANDID, FANTASY INTERVIEW

April 27, 2014

DINESH PEDDANNA is in the news again:

ImageNow, below might be the conceptual, “un-edited” rendition of a Q&A session that some may hallucinate to be more plausible. No sane person would print it in this our real world of bogus journalism. But, just for the heck of it, let’s pretend for a moment to be residents of Fairytale Land where all have Coprolalia; i.e., an uncontrollable neuropsychiatric disorder that impels one to publicly vocalize often embarrassing thoughts concealed in the subconscious – like truth! For politicians, it would be tantamount to committing political suicide: Obtuse declarations in public lead to concurrent consequences adverse to one’s self interests (especially if criminal charges are pending).

Therefore, the Q&A dialogue below never occurred and there’s no malice intended, so just skim through the crap as you would the Sunday cartoons – and vote for an honest politician when you find one.

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ImageWHY DID YOU ENTER POLITICS? Well, Madam, I was always into politics. How do you think I rose up to become DGP? I learned early in life that it’s not what you know that counts: it’s WHO you know. Favor for favors, tit for tat, eye for an eye … I made many enemies as a top cop but you know that old proverb, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend”? Well, I always found a friend in the cesspool to bail me out. Besides, everyone knows there exists a strong camaraderie and reciprocal back scratching within the Reddy clan ….

SOME PRIVATELY OPINE THAT YOU GOT INTO POLITICS TO DODGE THE ONGOING CBI INVESTIGATION INTO YOUR DISPROPORTIONATE ASSETS AND OTHER CRIMINAL ALLEGATIONS. YOU CERTAINLY WERE EQUIPPED TO DO IT, WHAT WITH YOUR POWERFUL POSITION AND “FAVOR FOR FAVOR” DISPOSITION … Weeelll, look at it this way, Madam: You certainly are equipped to be a prostitute. But are you a prostitute? Now, in the broader sense of the label (prostitute), she need not be someone who sells her professional services for money. I have more respect for such women rather than those “closet hookers” who sleep around for favors, or revenge, or promotions while concealed behind a curtain of pseudo respectability.

YOU SEEM TO HAVE A HEALTHY FONDNESS FOR STREET WALKERS, BUT WHAT’S THIS GOT TO DO WITH THE CBI, POLITICS, AND YOU? Everything! I need their vote too. As for my buddies in the CBI, we all belong to the IPS Fraternity, if you get my drift! Wake up, Darling! You don’t still believe in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, do you? Why do you think some would even sell their mothers to become cops? Because crime pays! It pays pretty damn well!! Oh! I do remember one honest cop …. MV Thomas, IPS …. an embarrassment to the rest of us … but he’s dead …. good riddance … Now, please don’t quote me on that, OK?

WHAT ABOUT THE VOTING WOMEN POOL? AS DGP YOU MADE SOME OFF THE WALL REMARKS ABOUT WOMEN WEARING “REVEALING” ATTIRE AS CONTRIBUTING TO RAPE INCIDENTS. THE PUBLIC DIDN’T TAKE TOO KINDLY TO YOUR REMARKS. I was simply exercising my Right To Free Speech and Expression. There are other notable community leaders who expressed like sentiments in public. I have nothing against women strutting around in sleazy clothing – the sleezier, the better! To most sane people, it would be the Gandhian exercise of self control/self restraint – “Bhramacharianism”! Men needn’t ogle or gawk at these exhibitionists, or infringe upon their Right to Free Expression – no matter how wet or hard the tongue becomes! Our movies, our culture misdirects us into believing that Rape is an act of sex – and, so, it’s OK because she’ll relent anyway – after a few love songs. Rape is an act of POWER. It is the worst form of theft and degradation.

WELL SPOKEN, SIR! Thank you! It took quite a few hours last night to memorize that line.

MOVING ON … JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO, YOU WERE WOOING THE BHARATIYA JANATA PARTY FOR LOK SABHA CANDIDATURE IN THE ONGOLE CONSTITUENCY. AND, JUST TO PLAY IT SAFE, YOU WERE ALSO KISSING UP TO THE TELUGU DESAM! MANY VIEW THE BJP AS COMMUNAL. DID YOU HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR THE BJP WHILE IN POWER? I had a “soft spot” for anyone with political clout. It’s no secret that politicians exercise absolute control over the police. When I become a Member of Parliament, there will be no more brown nosing for me. And then, the police including the CBI can come and kiss my fat ass.

YOU CERTAINLY HAVE A POINT THERE! And you certainly have TWO! He! He! Old police joke … no offense intended!

NONE TAKEN … I SUPPOSE? NOW, MISTER REDDY … That’s me! Always ready … He! He! He!

MISTER REDDY, THERE ARE SOME VALID CONCERNS ABOUT YOUR LOYALTY … I MEAN … WELL, FIRST YOU TRY FOR BJP SUPPORT, THEN T.D., AND NOW, QUITE SURPRISINGLY, YOU’RE CAMPAIGNING ON A YSR CONGRESS TICKET! BUT WHAT’S MORE ASTONISHING IS THAT YOU MADE A PUBLIC DECLARATION THAT “FALSE CBI CHARGES WERE INTENTIONALLY BROUGHT AGAINST JAGAN”, THE YSRC PRESIDENT WHO SPENT SIXTEEN MONTHS IN PRISON. IF YOU BELIEVED THIS TO BE TRUE ALL ALONG, AS THE STATE’S DIRECTOR GENERAL OF POLICE, DID YOU NOT ALSO HAVE A MAJOR ROLE IN HIS IMPRISONMENT? Image

Look, Lady! Have you forgotten the fundamental maxim of justice? The preponderance of innocence! He is innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt! While in Judicial Custody, he was looked upon as an innocent person – for 16 freaking months! You can’t get any more innocent than that. Now, on bail, he still is cloaked in innocence or so the law books say. Besides, can you count the number of lips I have on this mantastic face? ONE set of two, right? Which means I can only kiss one ass at a time to hold on to my job. The asses I was kissing were a hellofalot more powerful and potent than Jagan’s sorry little butt strutting around in prison. But I did what I could to make his life luxurious in the slammer. Hell! He had TV, mobile ‘phones, laptop, visitors galore, exercise, gourmet food from home but he stuck to simple veg. stuff – and, most of all, quality time to think, plan, strategize. What more could I have done for him? Smuggled women? Hmmm … maybe next time … Not a single day passed where I was not empathizing with his austere plight of involuntary celibacy and escalating level of testosterone in the slammer – and thanking Providence that I wasn’t his cellmate!

VERY TOUCHING …! WE WISH YOU SUCCESS IN THE ELECTION, SIR. BY THE WAY, DO YOU HAVE AN ELECTION SLOGAN? Sure do. How does this sound: “Don’t vote for Modi. Vote for me. I’m sexcular”?

Copyright 2014. All Rights Reserved. Carlisle Collins – Havepenwillwrite


CORRUPTION IN THE POLICE ACADEMY??

April 3, 2014

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Hold on to your pants, hombres! This is serious shit … and seems like the pong floats all the way to the top! My informant has all the pertinent information that if disclosed would probably have my ass in the slammer – for a long time! Retribution is such a byatch …; that too, from our good folk in khaki! I need to word the stuff very carefully and then get the fudge outta Dodge! Knowhumsayin? So bear with me a couple’a days while I slam down a few big ones – just for courage – and I’ll have for you another classic ballbuster – if they don’t bust mine first! Adios.

UPDATE: Check Link below (Hic …!!).

https://havepenwillwrite.wordpress.com/2014/07/17/the-police-academy-enterprise/


“TIP TO AVOID BEING RAPED: WEAR BURQAS”!

July 24, 2013

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Since when was it illegal to express an opinion?

Since when was it illegal to express an opinion? WTF!!

The Andhra Pradesh State police chief attributes the alarming increase in rape cases to women provoking men by wearing “flimsy and fashionable” clothing. Flanked by top police “Yes, Boss” officers, the A.P. State Director General of Police V. Dinesh Reddy, IPS, declared in a press conference that police cannot be faulted for rise in rape cases and instead blamed women for provoking people with fashionable clothing. (So, who’s gonna argue with an armed man, eh?).

This observation was seconded by Karnataka State’s Minister for Women and Child Welfare C. C. Patil who said that “women should be dignified in whatever they wear”. They should “know how much skin they should cover and avoid wearing provocative clothes”.

Curiously, Burqa sales have suddenly quadrupled with the Burqa lobby offering free Laddus to passer-by uniformed policemen and undercover policewomen wearing (what else?) Burqas.

The Police’s Logistics Department predicts a proportionate decline in rape statistics next year (and an increase in frustrated perverts on the prowl for prospective victims wearing “provocative” clothing).

MORE ON THE SUBJECT:

Perverted PervertThe latest unwary stroller caught in the line of fire, RANJIT SINHA, Director of the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI), made a misquoted and misinterpreted comment that ripped to shreds the urbane designer corsets of India’s vociferous squad of misandrists and others as well.

In a classic example of journalistic chicanery (you really need to check out the article), it was made to appear that the CBI Chief was drawing an analogy between legalizing gambling and enjoying rape. Check out what he was actually opining vs. public perception of his statement placed out of context:

During a CBI conference on illegal games of chance and gambling, one of the concerns that popped up was whether CBI had the muscle to enforce laws against sport gambling or should we just surrender and legalize it? Mr. Sinha, addressing the option of legalizing gambling, opines, “Do we have the enforcement? (Absent which, we should consider legalized gambling)”.  “It is very easy to say that (i.e., throw in the towel) if you can’t enforce it, it’s like saying if you can’t prevent rape, you enjoy it.”RANJIT SINHA, IPS. Director CBI

Anyone with even half a brain would construe that he was illustrating the fallacy of legitimizing two serious crimes if “we didn’t have enforcement” personnel. But the word “Rape” instinctively generates rage, especially now, in light of the fatal gang rape of a young woman riding a bus in New Delhi, and a flurry of even more perverted crimes against children being reported almost every day.

“Rape” doesn’t only generate righteous outrage in this politically inflamed climate but prompts premature prejudice. With the tougher anti-rape laws in place, all complainants are prima facie anointed a Victim Status with associated rights and privileges even before a factual determination is made on their eligibility – and opportunism thrives!

WRONG CHOICE OF WORDS, BRO! The higher you climb; more intense the scrutiny. You ought to have known that? But they don’t train you to become diplomats in the Police Academy, do they?

Not too long ago, the “F”-word was THE 4-letter bad word; now kicked to the curb by the 4-letter “R”-word! Now, THAT’S progress! But they both involve the same damn thing …

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QUICK UPDATE: Dinesh retired on September 16, 2013 leaving his soiled seat of power to B PRASADA RAO, IPS, the erstwhile Director General of the State Anti-Corruption Bureau to clean up. FUTURE PLANS: Well, since he’s been toasting in the hot seat with a pending CBI investigation on charges of acquiring disproportionate assets, etcetera, etcetera, the logical recourse would be a tactical move toward immunity: POLITICS!! Wasn’t it George Bernard Shaw that once opined, “Politics is the last resort for the …” (I think he said “Statesman”; but it could have been “Scoundrel”: not sure!). Anyway, word is, he’s lobbied for support from the BJP and, just to play it safe, the TDP for a Lok Sabha seat from Ongole. Smart move, Dude! You certainly have the experience! We wish you all the very best! And thanks for being such a good sport on this blog, Bro!

©Copyright – Carlisle Collins – Havepenwillwrite – 2013 – All rights reserved.


ANTI-TERRORISM TASK FORCE

March 25, 2013

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The Abominating, Devastating, Dominating, Delhi-Belly Aching,

RAPID-MOBILITY ANTI-TERRORIST TASK FORCE:

Government’s Decisive Response to Random Acts of Terror.

Anti_Terrorism_Task_Force

“Hell hath no fury like a Feminazi on a mission!” – Deceased (male) activist martyred in his quest for Equal Rights For Men.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED READING:

  1. “SCREW THE BITCH: Divorce Tactics For Men” by Dick Hart. You can either purchase the book for around $300 from Amazon.com (Paperback: 186 pages. Publisher: Breakout Productions – June 1, 1991. ISBN-10: 1893626318. ISBN-13: 978-1893626317), or you could be a Dick and screw Dick out of his misogynistic earnings by downloading the .pdf version from Scribd.com.
  2. Now there’s another side to the story of righteous indignation where the writer, Keith Harmon Snow, alleges that US Family Courts are behind an epidemic of pedophilia & judicial abuse. Check out “A LIFE SENTENCE: U.S. FAMILY COURTS SACRIFICING MOTHERS & CHILDREN”.
  3. Also read the “work” of Wilhelm Reich (1897-1957 the Austrian psychoanalyst who theorized that sexual repression is the source of many psychological and social problems; then kiss adieu to whatever morals we mercifully still have left!

Copyright. Carlisle Collins. havepenwillwrite. 2013. All Rights Reserved.


COMMENT FROM MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER

March 23, 2013

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Dad: It’s your choice what you put on your blog page.  I’m not telling u to change it.  I’m just saying I don’t go there because of what you consider to be “rib-tickling” Lil' Red Riding Hood Saved By Grandma's Unregistered Firearmhumor.  It’s not my responsibility to sift through the images to get to your message.  If you have a following that doesn’t have a problem with that stuff, that’s fine.  I’m just not a part of that group.  My opinion is that the images are rude, distasteful, distracting and detract from any message you are trying to convey.  Again, my opinion.  If you really want me to read your articles, I would be okay if you just emailed me the texts instead. I love you.

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Well, Folks: Just when I thought I was doing pretty darn good expressing myself about certain disturbing social issues (i.e., “disturbing” to me), I get this email from my daughter … Now, THIS I find truly disturbing: that I raised an opinionated daughter who’s stalwart,  righteous, upright, moral, and adheres very strongly to acceptable conservative values which, it seems, I had long forgotten (or maybe I never had because I couldn’t figure out what is “acceptable”, “conservative”, and “values”)!.

What can I say …? “Gulp” …! Time Out for some serious self-reflection, here … Do I feel sorry? Or maybe a bit ashamed …? Could I do without the images my precious lil’ girl finds “rude, distasteful, distracting and detracts from any message” I’m trying to convey?

I thought long and hard for a second: Quite honestly, my answer to All The Above is an unwavering “NO”!

You see, there’s more than adequate serious, straight-faced journalism out there to induce severe symptoms of constipation and pop hemorrhoids even if William F. Buckley, Jr. were alive today. Many issues meriting public concern have been previously discussed elsewhere and are along similar lines to those I choose to address. And, YES: those (other) sites get a lot more traffic than my humble little blog does.

But I haven’t as yet come across any writing that juxtaposes with synchronized immediacy the writer’s closet opinion about what he just wrote; more so, if his veiled stance is tangential to his written message and, perhaps, somewhat more honest – despite the gaudy wrappings of proletarian vulgarity [and a few (in-)appropriately placed inspirational .gifs]…

And if the message concerns OMG-type issues of gravity nose-to-nose right smack up in your face, perhaps there might be a funny side to it if you walked around to its rear and reexamined it from its South Side with a proctoscope. Nowhumsaiyin’? Then, perhaps all that seriousness might be “Gone With The Wind” ..… Which reminds me of that immortal line from Clark Gable: “FRANKLY, MY DEAR, I DON’T GIVE A DAMN”.

But I will always love you, my Precious Little Angel, my first born …. ALWAYS!Dad_Daughter

Dad.

Copyright. Carlisle Collins – havepenwillwrite. 2013. All Rights Reserved.


CORRUPTION FAQ’s – What is Corruption? Promiscuity or Economic Necessity? Does it REALLY Hurt? Would KY Jelly Help …?

December 16, 2012

CORRUPTION FAQ’s – Stuff you’ve always wanted to know but were afraid to ask …

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Below is my response to a comment made by Mr/Mrs./Ms (?) PLV Rao to an earlier Post “BLACK MONEY: India’s Parallel Economy”. See Link:

https://havepenwillwrite.wordpress.com/2012/12/08/indias-parallel-economy/

 “Dear Sir: Despite an element of truth in your assessment, surely India has made some rapid strides toward putting in place innovative, viable schemes that exploit our economic potential at least in the long run; this, independent of underhandedness. Yours faithfully,” etc.

Although I agree with certain parts of his/her (?) opinion (like “Dear Sir” and “Yours faithfully”), I honestly cannot do adequate justice to the statement via a brief, one-para reply; hence, with due respect, this new Post …

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Dear PLV Rao: Weelll … Yes, yes! Of course … and there is a Santa Claus who comes only once a year (because his elves get nervous, otherwise!), and the Easter Bunny hides his eggs (because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s intimate with a chicken)!

Get real, Brother! Just about every door of opportunity the government is gracious enough to open up; there are scores of greedy palms gesticulating under the table for grease. Have you ever applied for any legitimate entitlement – and had to wait years to discover they “lost” the paperwork? Even a mundane business license has attached thereto some “hidden charges”.

Fruit of Poisonous TreeYour statement gives added credence to my lay opinion. The inadvertent choice of Machiavellian locution used in this context, viz. “viable SCHEMES””, “EXPLOIT”, “UNDERHANDEDNESS”, betrays a clandestine reliance on precisely these elements which influence and facilitate our economic boom. This “Freudian Slip” is a very relevant observation based upon scientific evidence that people’s word choices unconsciously reveal states of mind that they are trying to conceal; in this case, a sub-conscious admission of the indispensable role of corruption in our economic affairs.

You are right on one point: the government has indeed put in place innovative, viable schemes that exploit our economic potential, in the example below, by fleecing tourists. Call it government-sanctioned tourist traps, if you like … but of vital importance to the extortive importation of foreign exchange through the back door! Is this (incident below) what you meant by “innovative, viable schemes …”?

Once upon a time, a US Citizen came to visit historic India – and got arrested on some incredulous, trumped-up charges based exclusively upon unsubstantiated allegations. To be fair, the Police did offer him a choice to bribe his way out. But, being the principled sort (and somewhat foolishly stubborn), he refused to grease palms – which landed him ass-first in the State Guest House while his lawyer and the Prosecutor negotiated on an agreeable price not to challenge his bail petition.

That was seven years ago. And now, still on bail, minus his US Passport (with an expired Visitor’s Visa), and, until very recently (he first had to part with a couple of pink bundles of currency), absent any sign of a Charge Sheet, our disillusioned visitor remains an involuntary resident of India. His sole source of income is his foreign pension deposited in a US bank account. He uses this overseas bank’s ATM card to withdraw funds to support himself in India and placate the Criminal (in)Justice scavengers and other opportunistic parasites.

NOW LET’S DO THE MATH: I learned his net US income is in the ballpark of US $3000.00 per month (after taxes and other deductions), and he spends every dime in India (thru’ ATM withdrawals). In seven years, he has imported (7 x 12 x 3000 =) $252,000.00 in foreign exchange, which works up to a whopping Rs. 14,364,000/- !!

Holy Popped Hemorrhoids, Batman! That’s more than most big businesses pay the country in Income Tax!  This guy should be honored with a National Award, don’t you think? Well, since I was fresh out of Bharat Ratnas, I just stuck a fat cigar in his mouth, shook his hand, and tried (unsuccessfully) to talk him out of a friendly loan … !

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India is one of the most “corrupt” nations in the world. This is no secret! If you’re a fiend for figures and statistics, take a look at the Global Corruption Index or the rankings inspired by Transparency International and a host of other government-funded Non-Government Organizations. But you really don’t need any such “researched” data but your own experience to form a factual opinion (since such data compilation is just as simplistic and misleading as dividing the “average” income by the “average” number of people in an “average” community to determine the Per Capita Income vs. economic development).

So, is “Corruption” beneficial? BUT OF COURSE IT IS; it’s gotta be!! Otherwise, we wouldn’t be practicing it with such spiritual zest and gusto! But before venturing forth to quantify corruption, it stands to reason that we first determine – by consensus – EXACTLY WHAT IS CORRUPTION?!

Transparency International describes it thus: “Corruption is the abuse of entrusted power for private gain. It hurts everyone who depends on the integrity of people in a position of authority.” There’s sufficient editorializing here so as to make it far less than an objective definition and more of a subjective opinion dependent upon individual (and differing) outlooks. Where one would view an act as “bribery”, the other would see it as a well-deserved “commission”, or in conformance with a generally acceptable national tradition, e.g., “inaam”, “bakshish”, “gift”, etc. Therefore, it would be “insulting” and signal “unbecoming arrogance” if one were to refuse it.Intellectual Paraplegic

Besides, if you’d have noticed, the vast majority of the masses making a hue and cry over Corruption and the “dismal” state of affairs are non-players, illiterates’/semi-literates, pseudo-righteous, jealous losers, disillusioned patriots, politicians in sheep’s clothing; those, ticked off at the “ill-gotten gains” of the successful few while they (the serfs) slog their butts off unsure whether their kids will sleep on a full belly … That’s the way it is, the way it was, and the way it’s gonna be. So, “until the proletarians revolt against the bourgeois“, I wouldn’t hold my breath for any change in the status quo. But if that ever happens, there’ll still be a “proletarian upper class”, Mr. Marx!

The Indian Penal Code 1860 (amend.), Prevention of Corruption Act 1988 (amd.), even the UN Convention Against Corruption fails to provide a uniform, precise legal definition of Corruption. The laws certainly cover a wide range of actions that could be colored as “corruption” in a colloquial sense, but for a law to be legal it needs to be unambiguous; otherwise it would be capricious and “void for vagueness”!

So, before “going to war” against this abstruse bastard (Corruption), is it not essential that the “enemy” should be identified first; failing which, many innocents will perish (and have perished) in “friendly fire”.

© Copyright 2012. Carlisle Collins. Havepenwillwrite. All Rights Reserved.


BLACK MONEY: INDIA’S PARALLEL ECONOMY

December 8, 2012

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The (Indian) media was ecstatic that the “per capita income” of Indians for the first time crossed the Rs 50,000-mark in 2010-11! The “average” Indian was earning about $1000 per year (before Taxes). This should be very reassuring to Balraj, our contracted choukidar (Security Guard), as he collects his monthly gross salary of Rs. 5000/-. But, to his “average Indian” relatives living on the poverty line in the village or communal slums embellishing the city gutter, a thousand dollar income is a distant dream, and Balraj is looked up to as somewhat of a prosperous hero.

But even for people like Balraj who’re on a fixed income of Rs. 5000/- (US $100), how can one be reasonably expected to support a growing family of five, i.e., him, his pregnant wife, and three kids?

THE MEDIA LIES! Statistics are conjured up to deceive: there’s a conspicuous rift between creative computation and objective reality. Dividing the country’s national Statisticsincome by its population is no accurate reflection of its overall living conditions and quality of life. More importantly, when the base figure for the national income is in itself fallacious, all subsequent calculations would be nothing but illusory.

Consider this: The base national income is the DECLARED INCOME (also known as “White Money”). Now, who in his right senses would declare his “under the table” takings (i.e., “Black Money”). As we all know (or should know), it is this country’s Black Money that keeps us afloat in the turbulent world economy. It is Black Money that gives us buying power and, yes, STATUS!

The Winds of Change has subtly but with certainty reached our country. And we’re just ‘this close’ to having a hole blown thru’ it if we don’t watch where we’re going!

Look around you: There is nothing in the “outside world” that is not available right here in India; sometimes, at a lower price than elsewhere: state of the arts electronics, medical/diagnostic equipment, automobiles, fashion, entertainment, education, recreation, spirituality, debauchery, law, lawlessness … We’ve come to accept online shopping as a necessity rather than convenience! Currency is almost obsolete; we pay thru’ plastic. Heck, we’ve opened our doors to international retail super stores like Metro, Walmart, Carrefour , Tesco to compete in our lucrative retail market. (Of course there’s a real likelihood the international giants may have to “renegotiate” with the new government if the current UPA is replaced after the elections … But, so what? I’m sure the players were prepared for just such contingencies: “Flaunt your inaam; remain calm! It’ll go your way when you Grease their palms”).

Would this unofficial indicator of economic development been possible if we were to live within our legitimate income? Please Note: The term of reference. “WE” excludes the “average Indian” like Balraj and his slum-dwelling kin.

Let’s be realistic: An alternate, tax-free, undisclosed source of income is an absolutely essential prerequisite if we’re to enjoy an elevated standard of living; our revised national ethos being, “Live within your means even if you’re bribed to do so”.

It’s comforting to realize there isn’t a country in the world that could boast of being truly corruption free. Those naïve patriots who claim there’s no bribery in their nation, or dishonesty for personal gain are myopic. It may not be as evident at lower levels of their society, but it is most certainly there and flourishing amongst special interest groups way up the pinnacle of the pyramid – and in gigantic proportions!

Sign From AboveAs for our beloved India, and some other countries, where bribery and other fun forms of corruption are as commonplace as garam masala and coconut hair oil, corruption is everywhere but the dollar amounts involved are relatively diminutive.  Whereas a cop in the US would throw your ass in jail if you attempted to bribe him, here in India, no self respecting cop will overlook an opportunity to be bribed; failing which, he will attempt extortion – even for a paltry Rs. 50/-.

Let’s face it: Corruption is an essential part of our cultural fabric. It would be tantamount to treason if genuine, determined attempts are made to root it out.

OK? So what about the ANTI-CORRUPTION BUREAU? Is it truthfully that which its name describes it to be?

The answer is an irrevocable, resolute, vociferous, straight-faced “YES”!

The ACB is the government’s elite enforcement wing, sort of like a Desi version of Do Not Stealthe Gestapo. It functions exclusively to keep in check police personnel and other government employees from freelancing for private profit. By “freelancing for private profit”, I mean surreptitiously sabotaging the healthy flow of gratuity, circumventing the established chain of command, and diverting it into one’s very own pocket!

The ACB boasts a formidable track record of netting in the little fish (who are, in any case, dispensable). This purports to represent a deterrent; to scare the “big fish” into compliance. It also serves as a venerable vehicle to launch vendettas on whomsoever you intend to have his livelihood fornicated with.

So much for the “little fish” and “big fish”. But what about those who truly matter? The predators – THE SHARKS?

Well, my dear friends, as every Desi cop learns one time or another in his career, “He who swims in the company of sharks will one day have his ass bitten! Stick to the pond; frogs are a lot friendlier (unless you happen to be a worm)!”

Boobathi Babu, IPS - Anti Corruption BureauThis brings us to Sri D.BOOBATHI BABU,IPS, Director General of AP State Anti Corruption Bureau – an unfortunate casualty in The “War” Against Corruption (which really isn’t a “war” per se, but more of a façade to appease the gullible public).

Anyway, Sri Boobathi turned out to be yet another renegade and an embarrassment to the IPS fraternity: Being principled and a thoroughly honest guy, he took his job seriously! He resolutely stood his ground when the government suggested he overlook certain improprieties perpetrated by the local, highly influential mafia; “improprieties” of embarrassment to the ruling Congress Party since its State Committee president Botsa Satyanarayana was identified as a prime involved suspect.

The powers that be decided on a wake-up call. They promoted and transferred Boobathi’s right-hand man Kothakota Srinivasa Reddy, IPS who, as Chief of Special Investigation Team, was performing an invasive proctoscopy into the liquor scam. Boobathi’s two nominees for the vacated post were overridden by the government appointing instead Sri C. Ravi Varma, IPS. Ravi also happens to be a competent, charismatic,  “straight-up” kind of guy but, like most other veteran cops on upward mobility, he’d be gun-shy to engage Mister Government in a pissing contest!

Not to be outdone, Boobathi mothballs  Varma to administrative duties with no enforcement power or role over investigations. Whereupon, Mister Government, in a decisive “Check – Mate” move, promotes and transfers Prasada Rao, IPS as Chief of the ACB – and Boobathi goes on long leave.

So, is there an outcry; at least a faint whimper from a community “outraged” by suspicious political interference in the workings of the ACB? Naaa! It’s “business as usual” (monkey-business?), and Boobathi happens to be just another garden variety, run o’ the mill, honest cop whose career has gone to (the?) dogs!

Last I heard since writing this Post, Sri Boobathi Babu, IPS succumbed to adverse transfer as Additional Director General of Railways Police: a complex assignment to keep coolies and Ticket Collectors honest. C. Ravi Varma, IPS got what he always wanted: a transfer as Deputy Commissioner of Cyberabad Police so he can finally kick some butt! And Mister Government got back what is rightfully theirs: a free hand with impunity!

Moral of The Story, Boys & Girls: Don’t rock the boat. Corruption has earned a privileged status in our society. We can’t live without it! This, our beloved Bharat, happens to be a true-to-life WONDERLAND where, thanks to the magic wand of corruption, anything is possible in India – if you have the bucks to back your play. Heck! Walk into court with the severed head of some unfortunate bastard who ran into your knife … and walk away with bail – then take your sweet time (like 20 years) to orchestrate an acquittal!

Sleepy DickheadThe fact of the matter is we’re being desensitized about something that’s very wrong … as though resignedly succumbing to a horrible disease; i.e., “getting used to it”!

This reminds me of the guy who goes to the doctor because he has a long, ugly wart growing on his forehead. The doctor examines it and says “Oh my god! You have a rare disease: In three days you’re going to have a full-sized penis growing out of your forehead!”

“WHAT?” says the man. “Well, cut the damn thing out!”

“I can’t,” says the doctor, “It’s attached to your brain; you’d die!”

Proud Dickhead

“So you’re telling me,” says the man, “that in three days, when I get up in the morning and look in the mirror to shave, brush my teeth, comb my hair, I’m going to see a fat Dick sticking out of my forehead and staring right back at me?”

“Oh no! No! No! Don’t worry …”, assures the doc.”You won’t see anything. Your balls will cover your eyes!”

And that’s precisely what’s happening to us. We’re becoming blindfolded Dickheads! We’re being desensitized to the fact that corruption is illegal: It’s a crime, remember?

No! It used to be …!

Niccolo Machiavelli

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