FROM OUR MEN’S ADVICE COLUMN:
There’s an old Italian saying, ‘’All women are sluts except my mother’’!
But first, A WORD ABOUT INFIDELITY:
If statistics** are to be relied upon, here are some figures that’ll surprise you or, at least, awaken you to the dark side of relationships:
• 30% of all marriages result in divorce or separation (that includes YOURS!)!
• 80% of married women cheat or, at the least, have cheated during their marriage (that includes YOURS!!); the remaining 20% have considered cheating at some point in time while 15% of those 20-percenters are awaiting the right opportunity to cheat. And the remaining 5%? They’re dealing with ”issues” (but they’ll come around eventually).
• Of the married women who cheat (i.e., the 80-percenters, above), 90% cheat with men already known to them (the neighbor/his kid who mows your lawn, family friends, colleagues at work, hubby’ business partners, acquaintances, the pizza guy, pool guy, postman, plumber, etc.). The remaining 10% freelance; become easy pickups at grocery stores, malls, bars, bus stops, wherever chance meetings can occur, or they hook up through personnel Ads.
WHY DO WOMEN CHEAT? That’s a different matter (see Link). Suffice it to say, THEY DO for the same reasons Men do – because THEY CAN! And it’s a good thing too because sleazeballs like us would have one hell of a hard time searching for, finding, and scoring with horny babes if the only meat market available happens to be the community church hosting Bingo for senior citizens. Lord have mercy!!
THE AFTERMATH: Bummer!
OK, so you’re caught, or she is caught, or you both want to split the sheet or, what’s worse for the male ego, you’ve been dumped and she’s having a merry ol’ time without having to look over her shoulder! But now, YOU DORK!! You want her back! You’re sorry for the way things turned out. It was all your fault (It always IS, Dorko!). I should have listened to you (Yea! Set yourself up again for the ‘’I told you so …’’ ritual). I’d do anything to have you back (… like play eunuch … look the other way while some other dude is shooting past her goal post?).
OK! TIME OUT FOR A LITTLE SELF-ANALYSIS:
Kick your sorry, crying ass to the corner for a moment and reflect on WHY she prefers someone else’s company rather than yours. What could be the reason(s) she stepped out of your matrimonial bed into the back seat of his rickety Chevy? What could possibly turn her on to him (them?) when you got just about everything a gal could desire in a husband? Can’t be looks ‘cos he’s as scruffy as a Joe Cocker-Frank Zappa hybrid and smells worse than a hobo’s underwear. The tattoos? Unmistakable handiwork of Folsom Prison. Can’t be money, stability, security ‘cos that’s what she saw in you – your house in the suburbs and that Volvo. While Jerko lives in a rundown mobile home and rides a beat up ol’ Harley cos the Chevy broke down (again)! His idea of dressing up for dinner is a hand me down, raggedy Levis he picked up from the thrift store, and riding boots that need to be resoled. The only time he’s not partying is when he runs out of his Welfare check or expects his Parole Officer’s visit. And he treats his women like dirt!
THE JEKILLA AND HYDA SYNDROME: So, what turns a conservative, prim and proper ”I don’t do anals”-type housewife into a sex starved, demonically possessed predator between someone else’s bed sheets?
It’s ‘cos no woman worth her salt wants to play mom to a doling crybaby. Do you want the broad to pity you, respect you, or CRAVE for you? Sure, you’re nice to her, considerate, affectionate, generous, and demonstrate all the other ‘’preferred’’ qualities that Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Redbook, Jane and other such sissy magazines claim that women look for in men. And, it’s a fact that such qualities DO attract women; but they do not hold or bind woman to such men for long if the guys lack the one essential trait that separates men from boys – or the Alpha Males from the stooges.
It’s called MACHISMO, but it’s difficult to define: either you got it or you don’t! If you don’t, then cultivate it. Being a gentleman could only take you home to meet her mother over a home cooked meal – maybe! You see, gentlemen don’t have half a chance to get lucky in this competitive bitch eat dog meat market (pun intended). Remember the old adage: Treat a lady like a slut, and treat a slut like a lady. Never fails! Bring out that inner slimeball in you and make ‘em recline belly up at the sound of your zipper unfastening! Muster CONFIDENCE, Brother. Confidence to look down on your flaccid pecker, gaze into her eyes and say something like, ‘’Well …. It’s not going to blow itself, you know …’’.
You BOTH know yours is not the first flute she’d be playing on. If she declines or pretends to get all pushed out of shape, play along with her. Show her politely to the door. Say that there’s still some time left for you to spend with Paula (or whoever) who doesn’t have any Catholic convent scruples. ‘’Good Night, Dearie. Drive yourself home. I’ve got some calls to make …’’! You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the result. Sluts HATE competition.
An old lecher once told me, ‘’Feed her with all sorts of sweet, romantic BS; that she’s special, she means everything to you, you’d die without her … Treat her nice – but stay a healthy distance away emotionally, and always keep her wondering …’’. There’s wisdom in these here words, Son.
HOW TO GET HER BACK?
If your masochistic or self-destructive tendencies get the better over your common sense for you to want her back, there are several field tested methods. But always bear in mind she is the very same ‘love of your life’ that took a healthy dump on your trust, emotions, ego, and manhood. If she comes back, she won’t be the person you wished for her to be! They don’t change but become more sophisticated in ways of concealment – more difficult to catch. Be advised you’re dealing with a foxy Corvette that requires Dealer Servicing every now and then.
The internet is full of advice on how to get her back. You can ‘’become the change you expect in her’’. You can engage trusted liaisons, mutual friends and good wishers to work on her emotions. You could woo her all over again …. or psyche her into a guilt trip …! Remember, you got the upper hand now: she cheated and got caught – the trashy, rotten, gutter slut!! And you haven’t – as yet (been caught) … Lucky Bastard! Hell! Use black magic … try PNP … Threaten suicide (but you’d be doing her a favor, Dorko!) …. and so on. The options are endless but the critical catalyst necessary is her DESIRE to return.
Now, why in heck would she want to return to the same old Dork and the same old drudgery she escaped from? You gotta motivate her, Dude. Persuade her. Build her desire. Work on subduing her inner bitch. Kindle her competitive instinct: If she knows (or believes) you are having a good time without her in the picture, you can bet your wimpy lil’ ass she’ll show renewed interest in you (more so if it were to screw up your life even more)!
ADVICE TO THE HEARTBROKEN:
- There’s no such thing called ”Love”. The only thing that could come close to it is the feelings a mother has for her child. Everything else is conditional and selfish.
- The antonym (opposite) of Love is not Hate, but Indifference. Think upon that that for a moment. Hate, Love are powerful emotions. Indifference moseys along at the other end of the scale. Discipline yourself to become indifferent.
- Don’t underestimate the God-given power of your inner resolve. Men are ruled by logic and reason (located in the groin); women, by emotion (location: not confined to one place – therefore, unpredictable)! But, know this: Jealousy and one-upmanship jump starts sluts into action.
Become the man you were meant to be and we can almost guarantee you’ll have her back. Why ‘’almost’’? Because you may not wish to lap up some other guy’s vomit. But if she does return, show her a good time while building up your defenses against any unforeseen financial/social sabotage; then boot her out decisively. It’s better for your ego. Men can’t handle being dumped. We’re better at being ‘’dumpers’’ than ‘’dumpees’’.
LOVE LETTERS! Yes! Love letters work. Sometimes! But they’re no instant cure for blue balls.
You can try the dorky, mushy, sensitive type: ‘’I just can’t stop loving you … my life is empty without you … I’d do anything to have you back … I’m truly sorry …’’ (Yea! For HER fuck-ups!). Or you can improvise on the theme below.
Or better yet: cut her loose with no regrets or resentment so you can both get on with your lives.
Either way, GOOD LUCK! We hope you find happiness and your MACHISMO.
Copyright Carlisle Collins. havepenwillwrite. 2015. All Rights Reserved.