There once was a cop with an itch,
and pimples of puss on his lil’ prick.
He’d scratch it in public, in private, in secret,
And stuff any orifice that’d fit!

Below is an online comment from M. EVR Reddy (email address withheld per his/her request) which their local newspaper The Deccan Chronicle decided to spike (i.e., not to publish). He (she?) was commenting on the Link below:

I decided to publish it as a new post and edited in supporting Links. See what you make of it …

Carlisle Collins.


I came across your site and this ludicrous flattery of Assistant Commissioner of Police (ACP) E. Shankar Reddy surfing the net. You’ve done a fine job sweeping the achievements of the other honoured awardees under your hero’s carpet while exclusively showcasing his. In fact, your readership would be led to believe your idol is part of the elite progeny of the Indian Police (dis)Service cadre when he is just another run-‘o-the-mill public servant who cajoled, bullied, and butt-kissed his way (almost) to the top – from Zero to Hero – a legend in his own mind. The article reads like a promotional ad. – paid by (who else?) DCP E. Shankar Reddy known for blowing his own trumpet!

You mention Shankar’s “investigative role” in the Emaar and Raheja cases as a vigilance officer. These cases are still under investigation; OBJECTIVE, litigatory investigation, I might add! I have serious reservations about him “unearthing” SIMI terrorist activities. SIMI activities have been “unearthed” (whatever THAT means!) a long, long time ago by others. Our hero is lapping up their credit and basking in their glory.

In fact Additional Commissioner of Police AMIT GARG, IPS, known best for towing the traditional police line of “Where there’s no evidence, fabricate evidence …”, beat Shankar Anna to the punch! Garg categorically lied before a tribunal that a certain member of the Muslim community (an engineering student, 22-year-old Moutasim Billah of Hyderabad) was a SIMI member. Yet Garg, under solemn oath, admitted having no personal knowledge of the case and was deposing entirely from documents given him by various “investigating” officers. But, none of these documents (except Garg’s) accused Billah of SIMI membership! “Oops! F**k ‘em if they can’t take a joke …!”

Apparently, our Desi Police are required to excel in a mandatory course on chicanery at the Academy supplemented by On-Job-Training specializing in circumventing legislated procedural requirements pertaining to surveillance, investigation, interrogation, seizing (fabricating?) evidence, selecting witnesses, authoring a Charge Sheet, etcetera, etcetera … From what one learns from the media, certain select high rank officers are continuing to follow the exemplary precedents set by their predecessors and peers.

So, what do we, as concerned, intellectual paraplegics, do about these shocking police practices? WE PROMOTE THESE SHYSTERS INTO HIGHER POSITIONS OF AUTHORITY AND “RESPONSIBILITY”!

And this will continue merrily along until our tolerant courts view police/prosecutorial perjury as tantamount to defecating on the bench. But waiddaminute! What if the Judge beats ‘em to the punch and takes a healthy dump on his own bench? After all, he is the undisputed proprietor, is empowered with Priority Rights, and has quicker access to the Commode of Justice …

Well … fact is, such allegations have been flashing in media headlines every now and then, so it’s really no ball-busting news – until of late! Presiding Judge T. Pattabhirama Rao (of the Court of the Central Bureau of Investigation) and his cronies became celebrities overnight. Seems like His Honour sold his honour for around Rs. 15 crores (approx. US $300,000). Just goes to show, “Money talks; bullshit walks”, and every harlot has her price …

Justice T. Pattabhirama Rao: Technically speaking, it’s really not “bribery”; look at it as a tax-exempt contribution to The Judges Retirement Fund. (Mine!!).

Good Lord! Whatever happened to the likes of the Late M.V. THOMAS, IPS, former Director General of Police (AP)? Seems like he represented a rotten example of the Indian Police Service’s failures and an embarrassment to the IPS Fraternity: You see, M.V THOMAS was a breed apart! He was an honest cop; a spiritual man, a family man, a true pillar of the community, and straight as an arrow, persevering against backdoor incentives and punitive political pressure knowing full well that one Day he will stand before his Creator and account for the power his position had entrusted him with! Such pity that values such as ‘honour’ and ‘integrity,’ which the police uniform represents, cannot be taught; it is acquired from birth and cultivated throughout your growing years! Yet here, in Mother India, one doesn’t even pay a passing glance at scumbags urinating on it!  Rest In Peace, Mr. Thomas, my dear friend. God Bless You! I am proud to have known you.

As for Shankar the Magician discovering “a huge cache of explosives”, I would take this with a grain of salt. Our police are notorious for creative exaggerations! Remember the bomb blast of Mecca Masjid in May 2007, and other unnerving explosions prancing merrily under the nostrils of our enterprising police? The (then) Director General of Police (DGP) MA BASITH, IPS described them as “sophisticated” “anti-personnel” bombs (do we know of any bombs that are PRO-Personnel?!) with “sophisticated” detonation mechanism hitherto unfamiliar to Hyderabad. The public learned shortly thereafter that they were simple, homemade “pipe bombs” triggered by a mobile ‘phone call. I could go on and on, but I wouldn’t want you to become nauseated and puke on your computer ….

Shankar Reddy Dada’s “other cases, where he played a KEY ROLE include investigating the Raheja scam, Emaar scam, the subsidized seed scam, the Tirumala Tirupati Devasthanams Aarjitha Seva ticket cases and other Value Added Tax evasion cases, involving loss of revenue estimated at Rs 2,500 crore.” I wonder what percentage ended up the Chain of Command … Sorry! Just thinking out loud …

Now, there just might be some truth to this claim: You see, there’s an old adage, “Set a thief to catch a thief”, which in Desi Police work stands somewhat modified to read, “Set a scam artist to catch a scam artist”! Anyone having firsthand knowledge of Shankar Dada and his land acquisition scams, “protection rackets”, “mamul” income, and assorted under the table inducements for doctoring his “investigations” throughout his 20-plus years of muscle flexing in the choicest, most sought after, lucrative, most revenue-generating police Sectors of Hyderabad, (viz. Banjara Hills, Jubilie Hills, Punjagutta) will agree that our hero is in a league of his own – and “in” with those who truly matter – all the way up to the Honourable Chief Minister’s office and the State’s DGP, [who (i.e., Dinesh Pedd’anna), by the way, is attempting to fend off allegations of gross corruption as we speak – and also  some state of the art Black Magic– an integral component in the Continuum of Force available in our Law Enforcement arsenal!!].

DGP Dinesh Reddy_Tactical Assault

Word is, our swashbuckling ACP, Mandrake The Magician, is under “investigation” himself; A job delegated to the City CID, no doubt! Something about waving his magic pen at a homicide and, voila, transforming it into suicide, disproportionate assets, and the like? But that goes with the territory, nes’pa? I wouldn’t hold my breath for any disposition at all … definitely not by any State run agency! So, when one privately wonders “Why” such coveted Presidential award for this particular joker; we don’t dare probe any further …grapvine

Honors upon honors; glory upon glory; recognition upon recognition …. One begins to doubt the veracity of the adage, “What goes around, comes around”! So, what divine plan would shield a person – any person – who, under color of the law, it is alleged, has undeservedly and/or for private gain destroyed many, many lives, reputations, families, and who bears the curses of his fallen victims upon him?

One can only speculate that, on the one hand, there’s transparency, a measure of “honesty”, and a reciprocal back-scratching understanding  within the “Inner Circle”: “mamul” (the loot) from the source goes all the way up the Chain of Command unobstructed by (excessive) greed. On the other hand, the dude is charismatic; even mesmerizing (but then, so is a striking cobra).

Giving “the devil his due”, from what one hears from reliable sources, the man is known in some groups for being charitable and philanthropic – toward a chosen few, no doubt, but generous nevertheless. This doesn’t necessarily mean altruistic and self-sacrificing, but displays a tendency to share the “spoils of war”.

F’rinstance, a group of beggars, blind panhandlers would assemble in the parking lot of the B.H. Police Station waiting for Robin Hood to arrive. Alternatively, the police dispatcher would radio the roving hawk that his patrons are awaiting his illustrious presence. The story goes, he would leave whatever mischief he was up to (or down to …?) and attend to each blind person individually in private. There are accounts of his benevolent involvement in other events,Gratitude e.g., financing marriage of girls from poor families, sponsoring kids thru’ school and college, giving handouts to the needy, and so on … But, it must be remembered that these beneficiaries are not even potential sources of big-time revenue by any stretch of (an opportunistic)imagination, and moneys spent is just a teenie weenie fraction of the loot but a venerable publicity tool.

So, what other possible explanation exists for Our Man’s immunity from the Laws of Karmic Reciprocity, the Law of Cause and Effect? I’ll be damned if I know! Maybe he’s amassed trillions in the Karma Bank and can afford to squander through a few transgressions. Maybe his “expenditures” are disproportionately miniscule to his assets. Maybe his time hasn’t come. Maybe the concept of Karma is total fiction. Maybe we also should anoint our nefarious gains (if any) with a dab of pseudo benevolence so hypocrisy could make a grand  entrance cloaked with public adoration. Maybe I should down another shot of Whiskey …

rainbow-barWe’re all familiar with the phrase, “beware of the Long Hand of the Law …” but, here it seems, the higher a Police Officer’s rank, the longer the reach of his zipper-busting, thigh-splitting, pile-driving pecker! The media commode is clogged with the pong of allegations of police impropriety especially associated with damsels in distress: “If in  trouble, gratify the cop and your troubles will lighten … If you want revenge, gratify the cop and he will make your victim’s life a living hell …”.

The Exploring DickAccording to reliable sources, Pussy Power is alive and well in police stations satiating satyriasis of epidemic  proportions.

“Look, Mommy! No hands …!!”

But this seems to be an accepted norm within the Khaki Fraternity, sort of like an acquired swelling commensurate with the job.So, when (IF) media attention is aroused and an internal, closed-door“investigation” should uncover some truth to such allegations of indiscriminate hypersexuality, the “erring” officer is transferred to a different fertile Sector to continue sowing wild oats with only a notional wrist-slapping – maybe.

Latest Hemorrhoid-popping Police Smut News: Superintendent of Police S. Syamsundar, IPSwas shifted following allegations that he had developed more than a professional relationship with a woman while (Ahem!) “handling” her complaint. Jeez …! More than 200-plus ‘phone calls at odd hours of the night, eh? Man, you must be the patient, “considerate” sort they want to take home to meet Mommy; the kind of flunkey you read about in Cosmo Magazine. Unfortunately, you’ll never hit it off big with the chicks, Sam. Take it from me, Bro, you gotta’ be a super sly, selfish bastard to get their undivided attention and sample the goodies …! Don’t you think that’s enough talk for a lifetime? Just tell the broad, “Foreplay is over, Byatch! It’s time to f**k …”. Practice improvising on Shank’s simple but foolproof MO (see below) that flips broads over belly-up at the sound of  the zipper unfastening  … That’s right, Champ! Bring out that “inner” Slime Ball in you ‘cos “gentlemen” don’t stand a fair chance at gettin’ lucky in the meat market. You’ll see results. Guaranteed! And to hell with what the media says. They’re a bunch of dickless, self-righteous hypocrites whichever way you look! 😉

Bass kar, Yar! We all do it … or thought about doing it … maybe, WILL someday ….! So what’s the big deal, Huh? The media will be media, and cops will be cops – So, f**k ’em if they can’t take a joke!!”

When creating husbands, God promised women that loyal and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world. And then he made the Earth round!!

Our Presidential Police Medalist’s latest notch on his starched Khaki Lingam is vilified actress-cum-madamme Tara Chowdary, according to her tearful judicial declaration. Seems like Lord Shiva’s gift to women in custody, viz. our horny hero ACP Shankar the Stud, resorted to his sure-fire, time-tested method of enchanting vulnerable women: He had her beaten into submission at the police station. Her facial bruises on YouTube seem to corroborate with her story. Adding insult to injury, the media reported that Banjara Hills Inspector M. Sudarshan and his boss (our role model, Testosteronic Shankar) seized more than ninety, hard earned, secretly recorded DVD disks of VIP’s, honourable legislators, honourable members of the cabinet, power-wielding Police Administrators, and other blue-balled moneyed clients caught with their pants down/dhotis off while exercising their libidos on Tara’s versatile callipygian staff.

Tara Choudhry - Victim of Khaki Dick-Slapping?

Tara Chowdary_Roped_GropedThe media could not reach Shankar, our pryiapic role model, until days later when he (predictably) refuted the allegations and dismissed them as “baseless”. “Tara has had a grudge against me for a long time, but I did my duty,” he quipped.  So, since how long has Shankar the Shank “known” Tara and of her meat marketing enterprise? Why didn’t he “do his duty” back then? Or perhaps he DID “do his duty” but never paid for the merchandise. Hmmm … That could explain the grudge, right? RIGHT!!

According to Police, these DVD’s were Tara’s “insurance policy” to keep the “respectable pillars of our community” from squealing if things got sour. Ironically, until a few weeks ago, our Khaki Goons would provide discrete police escort to Tara when visiting select VIP’s. According to Tara, the cops are now doing some high level blackmailing of their very own with the seized DVD’s. So, you see, CRIME PAYS!Never underestimate the creative ingenuity of our Desi cops! Jai Hind!


© Copyright 2012. Carlisle Collins. Havepenwillwrite. All Rights Reserved.



  1. MEvr Reddy says:

    Mr. Collins: I’m having serious second thoughts about contributing my comments to your blog. No, I’m not attempting to malign anyone; it’s certainly not my intention to. There’s sufficient evidence out there to prove my point – but someone with special clout needs to dig deep into the cesspool, find it, and expose it. Otherwise the khaki “zipper-busting, thigh-splitting, pile-driving” phallus will find a new mark: my virgin derriere!

    So, if you cannot (or are reluctant to) delete my earlier correspondence, will you please publish the following in defense of our Presidential Medal Winning Hero? In all fairness, I need to say something nice about him or I will be History (if you know what I mean)…

    Anyway, here is my “revised” argument which, I hope, will save my gorgeous ass:

    I do not believe there is any merit to the allegations raised against Shri E. Shankar Reddy, ACP especially by someone with a checkered history of sexual indiscretions herself. Everyone knows our Police Force consists of the cream of our citizenry with an unblemished reputation; they maintain immense personal pride in their unsullied uniform and untainted work ethics. We are taught as children (by our friendly neighbourhood policemen), ‘You may distrust your pujaris, parents, and kin, but ALWAYS place your blind trust (as well as your wallet and your wife) with the Indian cop”.

    Look: Put this advice to the test, OK? If you’re ever face to face with an Indian cop, particularly an IPS officer, examine him closely … that smart uniform, polished spit-shined shoes, crisp shirt, creased pants, those medals/decorations for good penmanship and brown-nosing, the spotlessly clean air-conditioned office, his errand boys bringing in chai and biscuits for his VIP guests, his overall cultured demeanor, etc., and ask yourself whether this symbol of authority could be swayed by briefcases bursting at the seams with currency. Would you trust your house keys, your wife, or young daughter to his care? Would you purchase land or a Used Car from him? Would you loan him money (and expect him to pay up) …? The answer will surprise you …

    Thus, to associate the honourable ACP Saab with this most vile form of corruption (i.e., Custodial Rape) is nothing more than sensationalized journalism; of him being “tried, judged, and convicted by the media”! No high-profile, respectable, and trusted police officer that could fall so low would be an honoured recipient of the President’s Medal Award for exemplary police work: IMPOSSIBLE! But if, by some stretch of the imagination, this is indeed so, then, logically, his upward Chain of Command could be just as corrupt as he is being made out to be: ANOTHER IMPOSSIBILITY!

    Therefore, through the auspices of your blog, I hereby appeal to the honorable courts to, suo moto, direct the CBI to conduct a thorough investigation into the honorable ACP’s private and professional activities and clear his good name once and for all. Otherwise, I fear, the public will fall prey to these malicious rumours and lose faith in those crusaders dedicated to enforce our criminal justice system.

    Thank you sir!

  2. This site serves as a depository of Opinion and encourages discussions of important/unimportant matters of public/pubic/private interest/disinterest; it may, when appropriate, become an implement/impediment to compel/dissuade judicial intervention in matters of governmental impropriety (or, wat’daheck, even defective journalism! So, go figure …)! When public servants cross the line of propriety and trespass into areas that are clearly defined by the judicature as constitutionally protected, when those entrusted to enforce the Law defile it, when privatized opportunism thrives under color of the Law, it is high time for EL ZORRO, The Masked Crusader, to make a grand entrance! But, since he’s been dead for quite a few years, our independent judiciary needs to step in and make their superseding authority felt!

    But what if it’s still “business as usual” for those enterprising Executive Branch powerhouses despite a plethora of rulings from as high up as the Apex court that define perimeters of police authority and codify expectations? All courts, whether civil or criminal, in the absence of any express provision, as inherent in their constitution, possess all such powers as are necessary to do the right and to undo a wrong in course of administration of justice.

    One may find solace in the words of Supreme Court Justice B. N. AGRAWAL: Cops understand only crack of the whip! There are already judicially decreed mechanisms in place to make police accountable for misfeasance, malfeasance, and nonfeasance; and governments are directed, ‘Prompt action must be taken against errant police officers for violation of the guidelines. This should not be limited to departmental enquiries but also set in motion the criminal justice mechanism.” Human Rights Commission.

    Any takers …?

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