SIGISMUND SCHLOMO FREUD (or “Schlong”, “Dick Head”, for short): 6 May 1856 – 23 September 1939

Most of us don’t remember Sigmund; perhaps because we really don’t care to remember him. Or perhaps because most of us weren’t around in 1856 when this revered icon of modern Shrink-ology and proponent of Cocaine, theories of infantile masturbation, incest, and other eyebrow-raising fantasies popped into existence.

It was a simple, un-complicated world back then: women didn’t have Conversion Disorders, weren’t Bi-polar, Schizophrenic, Manic-Depressive, etc., etc. They were simply oversexed, hysterical, crazy – and a hellofalot easier to deal with!

Freud is long dead but obviously his legacy lives on thru’ a legion of mind-f***ed hypothesists searching for a nonexistent black cat in a dark room; nevertheless, a gallant endeavor at warped research of the mind (or, research of the warped mind) that some may equate to charlatanism.

F’rinstance, a Freudian study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. If she is ovulating, she is attracted to a man with rugged masculine features. And if she is menstruating, she is more inclined toward a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire. Further studies are expected. Mercy!

I gotta admit, though, anyone that believes the world and all the planets revolve around a massive penis, is A-OK in my books!

So, here’s to the GRANDPAPPY OF LUNACY – Affectionately referred to in some circles as “Asshole”:



Copyright 2011 – Carlisle Collins – All Rights Reserved


The c-"OUCH"!




    Mr. Collins: On behalf of my colleagues, I must voice my objection to your warped rendition of the pioneering research contributed by our guru. I am particularly offended by your erroneous reference to him as “Dick Head/Asshole .. ” , when people in the know (such as I) use gentler, politically correct euphemisms such as “Rick Cranium”, “Procto-Orifice”, or “Corr-Recto Man”. Remember the adage, “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. And people with incontinence shouldn’t break wind!” As to what this has to do with anything, I’ll be damned if I know … must be a connection somewhere …! As for searching for the “nonexistent black cat in a dark room”, I JUST KNOW IT’S IN THERE – somewhere! I can feel it in my bones! It’s simply a matter of time ‘till we find the damn thing! – (Dr. Anonymous).

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