The Grand Illusionist: The Ayatolla of Dhoo’kay-Wallaz!


Although admirable and demonstrative of certain potential, ( Amit Garg’s chicanery is child play compared to the sophisticated, anesthetizing, mind-coitus credited to the veteran Ustaad-oun-ka-Ustaad, the Guru of gurus, M.A. BASITH, IPS.

Observe the grand maestro at his befuddling best …

THE MECCA MASJID FARCE (or “How I Chuthya-Maro’ed The Public”):

As is so often the case with Majority Rule and covert partisan politics, the minority community is humored by the appointment of a member of their group as a (figurehead) person in authority. Such seems to be the case with M.A. Basith (purportedly Muslim) and Balwinder Singh (orthodox Sikh), respectively the Andhra Pradesh State Director General of Police and Hyderabad City Commissioner of Police.

The local Urdu media lapped up ’s Basith’s appointment like orphan puppies slurping up spilt milk (of Magnesia?). No matter how trivial the event, there would be at least a few lines about Basith almost every week, and if we were really (un)fortunate, there might even be a little photograph. They must have been really hard up for news knowing fully well that our Superhero has a reputation of being an Uncle Tom; a “Yes Boss”-Man lapping away on whichever side the bread is buttered, and of never having interceded in matters relative to a fellow Muslim’s victimization or provided any official support to bullied communities in the past! To be impartial and neutral, doesn’t require one be insensitive and detached. But this might explain his meteoric rise to No. 1 cop of the State.

Hence, on May 18, 2007, during commencement of the Friday congregational prayers (Muslim Sabbath), a bomb rocked the historical Mecca Masjid known to accommodate the largest number of devotees. There were several injuries and deaths. This shocked Muslims all over the world.

Adding insult to injury, indignant yelps from local protesters and leaders saw Police firing indiscriminately into the crowd at point blanc range killing five youths and injuring several others including those that were retreating! In typical concurrence with Maoist philosophy on power over the masses, Basith responded with barbaric dadagiri suppressing dissent through use of deadly force. Power flows from the barrel of a gun“! (Mao Tse-tung).

You can always count on puppet Director Generals and their henchmen to facilitate martyrdom while amassing Brownie Points.

Basith tagged the line that the bombs were “sophisticated” (common cast iron pipes containing explosives!) with “sophisticated” triggering mechanism (a simple call via cell ‘phone!). “That capacity is not available in Hyderabad so far”! Amazing! So we are still using drums and smoke signals to communicate …

As expected, the appearance of “police check posts” immediately followed in just about every major street in the “upscale” part of the City, and just about every ally in the in the predominantly Muslim slums. No doubt our industrious police were looking for villains carrying sophisticated cast iron pipes and sophisticated cell phones! Wonderful! But these Check Posts turned out to be yet another creative extortion racket to put the squeeze on motorists, autowallas, 2-wheeler riders, other vehicle operators even unlucky pedestrians caught in the net! You can always count on our cops to be resourceful during difficult times.

A week or so later, the coup de grace: Basith pulls a turbaned rabbit out of the hat! Outstanding! Our vigilant Police have the stooge culprit in custody: some miserable low life schmuck who happens to be Muslim! Slick move!

Any prospect of communal tension fizzles out. Tempers come to a dead end blocked by a giant red question mark: “Certainly no Muslim would commit this heinous act”! But that’s irrelevant now. Congratulations are in order …. More media hype on Basith (and even more little photos!) ….. and a couple of weeks later, we’re dealt a classic “Basith Head-Scratcher”: A perplexed, open mouthed public is notified of a cash reward from the Police for any information leading to the suspect(s)! Now, a year later, the suspect’s identity is still a mystery and Hyderabad continues to maintain its prime ranking as the testing ground for improvised explosive prototypes.

What a crying shame: All that brown-nosing by the Urdu media was in vain! “ Basith Bhai! Tu kya zabardust gaaf-mei-haath diya, Yar! It hurts when we try to sit down”!

Around the same period, during Basith’s bedazzling leadership, the city is plagued by a series of scattered bomb blasts in public places. Many casualties. Many deaths. Predicting a righteous public outcry demanding his hide, Basith, a seasoned veteran survivor of public scrutiny, not to be outdone, cons media support and, one fine morning, proceeds to do a tactical Self-Defense number on the thoroughly perplexed Sardarji-Commissioner blaming him for security lapses as though the “buck” stops at the Commissioner! Commissioner Balwinder, who only recently transferred to his new assignment in Hyderabad, hardly had time to unpack let alone make an independent assessment of the comical public safety situation prevalent throughout Basith’s administration. Little did the straight forward Balwinderji realize at the time that he had been served a combo Gugli-Bumper Special, the insidious “Basith Head-Scratcher cum Pagadi Shaker“, a special treat reserved for special people and special occasions.

But setting aside the community’s mistaken belief of “Sadar Pahelwaan Basith” championing the cause of underdogs, the rightful expectation of an aggressive, professional, visible public safety program or, at the minimum, an honest, good-faith endeavor at launching such, vanished in smoke leaving behind a clear message that the impotent public could grab their ankles and take it in their rear. And with head upside down panning between parted legs, venture to acquire a sharper perspective of what’s REALLY happening to them: To wit, no official inquiry into security protocol violations by police personnel stationed at the entrance to the mosque during Friday Prayers, no prosecution for unnecessary use of deadly force on unarmed demonstrators by the on-site armed police personnel, no official disposition of any inquiry into the several bomb blasts in Hyderabad, no administrative or criminal sanctions for misfeasance, malfeasance, nonfeasance by officials entrusted with our safety, and no showing of any lasting interest in the matter by our chosen legislators.

It is ironic that our leadership promises “transparent, accountable governance”, but the only thing transparent here is the cheap lappam concealing the cracks in accountability. This just strengthens one’s conviction that protest is futile and we are such a tolerant, vanquished people. Subsequently, as expected of our fickle memories, the matter fades off into oblivion, and, mercifully, so does Basith with his retirement!

Now, who in his right mind can say that the IPS generates a legion of clowns?

Basith surrenders his effeminate powder blue Seat of Power.

SSP Yadav being cautious of Basith’s final prank:            The insidious Whoppie Cushion.


RED ROSES?! Doesn’t that symbolize non-platonic love? Hey… What’s going on, Guys …?

© Copyright 2010 – Carlisle Collins – All Rights Reserved


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